Monday 27 December 2010

27December

Have spent some time in the morning clearing the driveway, all that snow! I feel very cared. Then Ernest spent some time screaming till he eventually fell asleep. Next – and here comes the confession – which than breaks up my planned list of annoying things to moan about, hm, got stuck here and there is no spinning that takes me back on track. SO short is that someone I never met, over the internet has decided that th ebest way of entertaining myself would be to join an imaginary nazi organisation. After this I was leaving to take my mum to a party with her friends when Lili decided to throw quite a show to us and behave in a manner that we shocked when seeing in ernest. To further my discomfort – and others’ – I responded to her ont he same level. I popped in to say hello to my mum’s friends only to be greeted with some conversation about my father (they are divorced, my dad is meanly sorrow about it and today is my mum’s birthday). I felt uncomfortable and left quick as I could to drive around finding a windscrean wiper. In the car I couldnt find a decent radiostation while an imaginary house dragon, Tobi kept hitting me with a bag, for fun.

I was hungry.
The day turned around. We resumed normality and en joyed a dinner wihtout cats. Now they are all afraid of Ernest the brave who apparenltly wqhile I was out played with Lili and one of the cats a game of dare. he came away with some scratches. I hope the cat wasnt scarred for life.

Playing with clay was fun too. we managed not to get too much clay ont he leather dining chairs. Jen made me admit I have no patience to fidget with stuff that requires precision and patience. Lili didnt seem to have much either.
So you must be wondering about the nazi invitations. first of all, we must be clear about one thing, most people usually are not aware of the views that they are advocate. An example for instance is the green left, a bunch of neomarxist here in hungary who are desperately organising people to donate to charity. Charity (and I dont mean to be cynical or negative or argh we are all doomed type but charity) is a capitalist instituion, one that maintains some social cohesion int he sytem so that starving and desparied masses will not behead the ruling class.

I play an online game, a hobby that has been growing on me for about a year and a half. Ususally i find one I like than I bore of it for the game is stiff, there is no room to have fun only to be mean and win or be diplomatic and loose. I found one a couple of months ago that seem quite spacous and free leaving people to organise themselves in whatever ways suits them. for the second time I run into people who seem to organise themselves in ways which excludes difference, territorial, uniformised, violent and brutal. This time I asked a guy a question why bother playing a game if all they do is recreating the very reality they escaping from? his answer was that actually if I stepped into line, followed orders and did what I was told I maybe could have some fun and it would be the way of building a better world. Very welcoming. I’m left a bit speachless.

But ont he bright side: we are going on a road trip in a couple of days.

Sunday 26 December 2010

26 December

I feel I perhaps should be kicking myself for failing this journal with appropriately regular entries. A bad habbit offailing to build good ones but than what is the point in punishing one’s self during the festivities they are so obsessed about – without wanting to be racist or offensive I am refgering to the lot we generally claim responsible for the current civilizational state of the world.

So these series of festive days int he passing now and I think the highlight was builiding a fire to keep some light going the longest night a couple of days before the decorate the tree, stress int he kitchen, open presents and eat yourself sick days. We got pretty drunk that night altough failed with the dancing around the fire naked… maybe staying with my mum and the minus temperatures stopped us. so perhaps we weren’t all that drunk.
As for the so called regularly accepted and not labeled as ’pagan’ festive days I can only say it was pleasent and relaxed which came to me as a surprise in a family where some members are not willing to talk to each other or spend time in each others’ vicinity and the term ’extended family’ takes on new meanings. But this perhaps isnt for a public blog.

The bears are learning Jedi, Ernest rocks on his rocking raindeer, Lili plays with kitchen and microscope, Jen sows and I, I hm, I… actually I don’t know.

I just realised today that one can be defreanded on facebook for being extremely critical and showing a developing of one’s perspective… being a neomarxist for instance. It’s comic somehow for some time ago I have defriended someone who advocated fascist views and at some point passed around some good hearted racist comments too. I wonder if he thinks he was presenting healthy character development and I was punishing him for that. Anyways, when it is a friend’s parnter who defreands you which friend you have a withering away relationship, wondreing how to rekindle it while this partner he wishes to settle down to have kids and all you wonder to let go.

I got pretty tired this last week. I have been missing my routine, going for walks, or just doing nothing. When you are in a house that is not prepared for small kids it is tiring to just stay in and do nothing. the busiest possible option.

There might be some who read this and I haven’t told you anything in a while. That doesn’t mean I don’t mean to I simply am just shit at conversing over the net. apologies. Drop a line at least for a while I will feel somewhat obliged to write back

Thursday 16 December 2010

16Dec

I think I have been cursed or I thought so at first but then I realized that it probably isn’t so. Just priorities. Have been having better things to do than writing what we have been doing.
Like burning my fingers with our auxiliary milk warmer. We fell asleep with Ernest and I have been keen on awakening to eat and warm up some coffee before having to go in to school to do reception duty.
Last night the handle of the milk warming pot broke off so till replacement we are using a steel cup. I forgot that for a brief moment and grabbed it off the hub... I wish I chose more frequent journal entries instead!

The mornings gone by the last three days, someone always makes a pot of porridge and someone always takes Lili to school and Ernest will always fall asleep at some point in the morning.
Usually nowadays this happens when we are outside, gone for a walk. Oddly I find winter Szeged, covered in some snow homely and pleasant. And while it is wonderful to have some winter finally in town it is somehow also comforting to know that they are expecting crocuses and daffodils by mid February. By they I mean them, locals locals.

So we do walks outside, it is pleasant. When he is asleep I would stop for a coffee or a mulled wine on szechenyi square downtown. Usually we would be going for coffee at ‘that one on the corner’ cafe (which I am sure has a real name I just don’t bother myself with it). After the festive markets finish so will our morning mulled wine excursions – we talking time around half ten and drinks that taste mostly of sugar and juice, it’s the feeling like a real bad Oulu glögi.

On Wednesday I turned toward the river, read in the paper that the Tisza is high again and wanted to check it out. I was extremely disappointed, there were no swimming sheets of ice heading down towards Belgrade. Some rubbish and driftwood only. Not that kind of winter yet, if ever at all. On the way our walk took us towards the main post office which is also happened to be where from delivery personnel spreads out to town every day. Before I noticed her our regular delivering person was already waving from ahead, it turned out she had registered mail for us, for Lili actually and as we weren’t going to be home she gave it to us on this chance encounter. That was nice of her, saving us a trip later. There are the kind of things that will start making you feel home. It is also a marked difference from other places. We have a local post person here.

Lili got her passport… after ten months our dealings with the Hungarian authorities to recognise the otherwise obvious is done. Now there is only the small matter to give back our documents that they needed to look at for this. So far they claim that they need them in order to be able to continuously recognise what they already have recognised, without always having these papers the state bureaucracy may forgets or seizes to know why it made such decision... But I stop here, may become politically expressive. Jen already laughed how some entries in this blog have the longest paragraphs dedicated to politics while this is supposedly the depoliticized Szeged life.

In the evenings things happen such as we sit down to watch an eddie izzard stand up expecting to laugh our heads off when the reality is that Jen falls asleep half way through and I endure only hoping there will be a punch line at the end but extremely disappointed for there isn’t. Another evening I go out to a movie in an arty cinema club to find people not so conversative before and especially not after the movie. It was a kosturica, the title in English is Times of the Gypsies. I really didn’t know what to make of it, where was the movie serious and where was it trying to be caricaturing. It wasn’t clear to me at the end that the overall message of the movie had a critical overtone or it was merely propagandistic to ensure a status quo? As far I know Kosturica is rather popular around here but never having seen anything by him or really reading into his work I can hardly judge. It was a very heavy movie with a simple but powerful story line while seemingly not bothering itself with the intricacy of reality.

Jen is practically top of the class in her Hungarian course. Very impressed and it is a good sign towards fulfilling her do these things before you 30, i mean she is 30. One of her point is the ability to have a conversation with her mother in law. Of course, her mother in law has had a longer time for learning English, I think I was 19, years before I met Jen when I told my mum to start learning. She is still planning on doing so, one day.

Tonight tiding was executed listening to a carmina burana karaoke. We didn’t really do the sing along though. The other day it was Wagner. Not so much fun, we changed to some cello solo. Much more pleasarable.

Monday 13 December 2010

13Dec

With Lili we got to school a whole ten minutes before eight. A first time ever so we had time to help other kids find their indoor shoes, playing sniffer dog.
Jen took her Hungarian exam. We are proud of her. It’s really courses on linguistics that are a bit stressful. They are rather mad actually. And I cannot truly concern myself with them. Brain gotten a bit sloppy this last few months. I tell nice little stories how Ernest and I played with monkey and treehouse man, having conversations and everything. It was kind of cool.

Morning was busy, at our local hygiene store, ‘boots’ equivalent I somehow was talked into getting a point collecting card. It’s still in my walet, scared to touch it.

I came up with brilliant present ideas although it is fortunate I haven’t managed to buy some of the stuff. Jen thinks I was about to get into serious insulting. Wouldn’t be the first.

Ernest’s lack of sleep during the nights and as a consequence my lack of sleep (as we are trying to let Jen sleep for she is the one with the exam season) have serious implications on our moods during the day resulting in grumpiness. This results in further grumping each other. I’m sure both Lili and Jen enjoyed the afternoon spent with us.

Well, dinner was good anyway and once the kids were in bed I sat down to read some papers. Local news – pension funds have been nationalized. It’s been voted on now. Irony is that I don’t necessarily have a problem with it so long as the money that otherwise would go to private funds (some 15 percent of all the pensions inpays) wasn’t needed to finance tax cuts that surprise; benefit the high earners. I don’t know how much news coverage about this place makes it to other places but I hope at least it is being witnessed how a somewhat democracy becomes a full blown dictatorship. Now that the pensions are sorted the parliament will begin ‘debate’ on the new media law. A construct that seasoned dictators and tyrants look at with envy, it will be voted on before xmass and start become practice 1st January. It’s been decided.

Before the kids went to bed Wallace and Gromit has caught the diamond thief (actually it was Gromit really). In this I take comfort or should I?

Sunday 12 December 2010

12Dec

Last night we have gone mainstream. We did what everyone else and went for a walk with the children after dinner. It was snowing you see and here in Szeged snow is something still unusual and unlikely to stay around till the morning. Which it didn’t so I congratulate to all of us around town for taking the kids out during the evening. We were smart. It was fun, Both Lili and Ernest were besides themselves with joy. And so was I actually. Ernest was pretty much a first timer though, so it was the excitement of the new for him while Lili, Jen and I probably just missed the stuff. Although it was nothing like building a snowcave but we are a long way from home. It’s ok.

Today was eventless, at least around the home. Jen and Lili went out for a ballet performance in the afternoon. Philosophy of bodies it was called and I hear it was good. Lili practically danced through the thing in her chair. Must have been a site.

With Ernest we (sure we?) decided to watch a documentary about pension funds investment policies and its consequences, the movie speaking mostly in German wit French subtitles. A generally good bashing on contemporary economic globalization. The pictures were amazing though and I still have managed to learn something new about the maintenance of US hegemony.

On Saturday I took the kids to the market which was fun, it always is and then we went for lunch at the vegetarian restaurant. Why is it that such places are always into Indian inspired spiritualism?

Two nights ago I read some recounts from protesters about their experiences on parliament square.
What I have to say about it is following this link.

Lili had a most amazing weekend with the first snow here, Christmas market, going out for lunch loving the food and going to a ballet for the first time of her life.
After all this she will tell the most hideous story from the weekend come Monday morning’s circle time at school.

Friday 10 December 2010

10Dec

One thing I forgot to do today, or to be precise I haven’t forgotten but could be bothered waiting for the economics personnel to come back from her lunch and therefore failed to pay the school fees for December. I pay on Monday, if she is around and hope the school doesn’t bankrupt till then because of our missing payment (which may sound like a joke but…

It feels this week we are picking up a habit of tidying up before bed time, I’m spicing it with classical music, today’s was Mozart. Lili is learning to like it.

Tired now, again we had an early morning. Ernest wakes up and then he is pretty upset to be awake but it doesn’t occur to him that this curse can be healed rather simply. After dropping off Lili at school we took off to take care of some more business at the post office, 2 queues, one for the parcels and letters the other one is for paying bills, if you do both, you wait twice. Loving it.

Ernest slept while we went back to the dermatologists where a different receptionist wondered why did her colleague sent me on a grail quest. She told me I already given them all the data they need. Goodbye.

The flat people were out at the market today, I took some pictures. Chatted with some vendors and had a langos; deep fried flat bread, extremely nutritious and healthy snack for lunch. Ernest likes langos too baut at home he had some other food as well.

After picking up Lili from school we met Jen at the university library It seems we both had books to return. After coffee at home I left on yet another quest to find clay and wood glue. There is no clay in Szeged although Jen claims there is just around the corner so tomorrow she will take usthere. I found wood glue in the glue shop as there is one of those.

Dinner was bland but we started hungry so it didn’t matter. Lakc of sleep takes its tolls

Thursday 9 December 2010

09Dec

Have woken early, Ernest screamed us through the morning. It wasnt pleasent.
Reception duty at Lili's school, taking notes from a book. Ernest didnt come, Jen didnt call, i guess the pouring rain... we never talked it over.
Had two hours to go home hang with the young one and clean a bit. We both, Jen and I seem hectic.
At noon back to the school. It's messy today, the schedule is because I had to change parts of my afternoon for a morning slot. the janitor has had a great complaining to me about the school. I agree with most of the stuff he said, feel shitty, what can I say?
Reception duty is otherwise boring.

I changed parts of my afternoon so I can come to the doctor, dermatologist. I have had this appointment for 2 months now, finally it is the big day. Registering with the doctor is a pain though. Although I have my European health insurance card that apparently should automatically provide me with free health care in central europe, or maybe it is only a hungarian specialty this card (that I state again is otherwise designed to make matters easy) makes matters the more complicated. It seem that I have to bring in some papers from KELA, my KELA card and some more stuff, I have to bring a photocopy of them as well because they can't make copies here. In theory taking the info off the card should provide the evidence. Not in a society where the main focus of trust is that you shall not trust anything. painfull and the stress having to chase up these papers makes my eczema that much worst. I came to be treated for it though.

The pharmacy was much the same, nowdays I am patient, frustrated silently. I realized, perhaps thanks to close ties that people just don’t get it how frustrating over-bureaucratising life is. Instead I am advised to be like everyone else. I would fit in better. Trying to be polite instead. And cheerful. Sleep during the night would help.

Snowstorm is own, in the afternoon. We started the day with 14C plus and on the way home it’s cold wind and almost freezing temp. Not being dressed for it a small wonder I survive the 3 minutes cycle.

Home is a mess. The potatoes bake too slow so Jen skipps dinner. She had to go back to uni for a Hungarian class. She treats me to some of her homework assignment wants the kids are in bed but that is late in the evening. Before I have to get through putting the kids in bed. Sadly, I am falling asleep with a cup of tea while they are bringing the house down. eventually Ibring their moods down by demanding to help me tidy up.

Jen found her topic for bilingual homework assignment. It’s me.
Another day passed in Szeged.

08 December

I have scared myself away from posting any blog entries after something that could be considered as a breakdown... it was no fun. Wanting out.
When Starting to gather one's self, comes the family, parents being offended for putting demands on them such as 'stop putting demands on us!'

Maybe I should go for a different approach. Write days, simple straight forward. Seemingly at least.

The gas repair guy was running late so by the time he fixed the heater in the kids' room Ernest was up for a nap. We didn't get out before noon after that so most of our plans were scrapped. I enjoyed doing nothing, mostly nothing while he slept. Of course I could have dressed him amid a tuntrum and put him in the buggy to sleep there but since the old one got stolen he sleeps less on the go than he used to. Although we took the flattened people with us to the market LINK, we were so brief and quick that I actually forgot to take their pictures. At least there was some shopping done.

Practically ran to get Lili from school only to realise they were having late lunch. We waited. Ernest played with the stools until realising there were trays of sand for writing in. Waiting become miserable then.

We went home where I cooked a vegan carrot and ginger soup and later at dinner we realised it was good. Jen made us some coffee before we took off again on the bikes, bit early for Ballet but we wanted to go back to a shop we were at yesterday or the day before. An item we bought was faulty. The shopkeeper was friendly and helpful on our return. We didnt queue up for sweet bread freshly baked. Had to go.

Liliom was thrilled as we were there first. This has never happened before and about two minutes later when other children and parents started filing in she proudly announced them 'we have been here for ages'. While she nearly passed out of heat exhaustion for doors or windows are not allowed to be open I went on a shoe hunt without much success. the shopping centre was fun, captain Ernest standing at the front of the boat, sorry, trolley shouting...hm whatever he might have been shouting. Directions, insults perhaps?

The day before's leftovers and the ginger and carrot soup for a change Lili liked. After dinner Ernest insisted on a bath while I insisted the others tidy up while I help him to it. There was tears almost, fortunately Jen handled the request well, it was Lili who was a bit taken aback.

We watched glee and after the kids were in bed I spent, we spent some 250€ online. so it didnt feel so good but wasnt bad. It was a challenge to work
the german amazon site especially after i realised i put in the wrong address and had to track order and... it took me a while. In the mean time, and most of the day Jen has been trying, is trying and becoming desperate to find a task or topic for her assignment in bilingualism course. The original's requirement she doesnt suit. At times At some point I offered I will do it for her as I am a bilingual person and therefore can carry out the task but fortunately she declined which is cool because I dont fulfill other criterias such as being a student on the course or having indebt knowledge of the topic

Tuesday 2 November 2010

Day of the Dead,

There hasn’t been an all saints day since we have known each other with Jen that I haven’t lit a candle in the evening as a small act of admitted ancestral worship from my side. I still remember my days in Denmark thinking how really i was getting into ancient practices and all the stuff about shamanism – which by the way I still associcate with on some level for so far shamanic way of thinking (pre-pagan if you like) is probably the oldest and most honest form of social constructivism. Back then I seemed to take it far more seriously, rediscovering something that reaches far beneath than what I can contemplate, disconnecting from my roots and past... hm... and practicing rather traditional and everyday forms of ancestral worship.

So far in this blog, supposedly about Szeged i managed to offend just about anyone and everyone. Mostly for my unabashed criticism of nationalism and the idea of nations. The trick is always finding the line, to be drawn to separate practices from one and other; this is culture, and that is nationalism. Ancestral worship, although I do not know how common it is around the Carpathian Basin all together I am pretty sure it is particularly Hungarian and is a cultural characteristic that easily slips by the eye yet is particularly uniquely Hungarian. Some ten years ago leaving everything behind I took this with me. In the last thousands or so many years neither Catholicism, the Reformed churches nor the nation state project has managed to ‘touch’ it.

Where to go from here than? Not a clue. I don’t think it really matters but I am pretty sure surprised. Especially that I am in it. About a week ago I was in Budapest and so I decided to go out to the cemetery where my grandmother was buried. It was that time of the year. And of course there is the candle every year. Well, some belief claims if you ever in a desperate need for an honest advice you shall ask you own death for it is just about the only thing in the universe that will be truthful at all times. Thinking of that talking to the dead, who have had some more subsequent dealings in the death department, besides, they also at least wouldn’t care to lie, may be altogether a good idea. But the more interesting lesson perhaps is the one about culture. It’s in the guts. The bits that you don’t notice at all. The rest probably is acquired luggage.

Intimacy

Travelling on the Budapest subway could be considered one of the least private places one can imagine no place perhaps for retaining even some degree of intimacy in our interactions. Yet it is not entirely impossible.
We only have been in Hungary for maybe a couple of weeks, it was still summer and I have not realised yet how difficult it can be to relearn a different context one shall use the language in.

Travelling on the subway our younger child, Ernest did what he does –just like his sister – so well and that is charming people around him. He is quick and efficient sitting in my lap looking up at people ‘forcing’ them to smile back. I was chatting away to him in Hungarian as I usually do while becoming increasingly entertained by the passing friendship he built with a young fellow standing next to us. I made an effort – eventually – to engage him in conversation and slightly shocked and puzzled stopped mid-sentence than made another effort now through the ‘right’ language though my speech did not feel honest. I was uncomfortable to start a conversation in Hungarian with a stranger.

Being surprised I started thinking about what might just has happened and begun paying far more attention to how I engage in conversations or avoid doing so. I came to realise that I was not at all happy to speak to people in Hungarian, feeling generally rather uneasy and uncomfortable when doing so. This is a condition that has become far better since but often I still feel distant through this language while also have a familiar closeness that feel now too close.

Of course nothing comes without its context for one doesn’t just decide for some reason or other to be in a certain way... For the past eleven years however I spoke less and less and with decreasing frequency except for my children whom with of course I talk and talked more as time passes. Therefore Hungarian has become an increasingly intimate language that is hardly if ever shared with anyone other than close family. Meeting the occasional other Hungarian perhaps helped emphasising its intimate value.

Suddenly everyone and everything around me shares the very language that has become a complex symbol and especially tool in the years spent in non-Hungarian speaking communities. It’s a learnt reflex to switch language when starting to speak to someone other than my kids yet it does not feel like one when one has always done this so. It feels natural and it is hard when one have no choice but to let go of so much associated value. The first tries sounded disastrous.

I still miss the intimacy and often still feel uncomfortable. This is natural, true, people connect through the medium of the language too and I need too , I am learning the tools and tricks again, speaking, communicating and slowly finding ways.
At times now, especially in contextualised or semi formal settings I am starting to enjoy speaking with strangers, meeting people. Other times I still feel too close although I am aware of the benefits they have to my language use as well as living life.

It is amazing how one can ‘forget’ a language that has felt so familiar and in certain ways still feels. Recently I have been writing emails in Hungarian and while I was aware of strangling the words and structures I could not help, I had to keep on writing knowing this is the only solution against this rust. Using language in a variety of ways.

Thursday 21 October 2010

Stargate Universe

Staying at my mother’s place outside Fot near to Budapest we have been contemplating the issue of Americannes of contemporary Hungarian society. There is probably a lot more to it than our surface examinations make us realise this but there are some aspects that probably resemble a hint of reality.

Such would be the desperation of central European societies to truly belong to so called Western Europe, culturally, politically and economically while there is also a desperation to retain a distinctive character that is – here for instance – Hungarian. All this manifest in what we may call the European integration, the great project of pan-europeannes spearheaded by the very entity of the European Union. An entity that is inherently corporatist (as there is no public space within the EU for pubic politics, the people per se).

We were driving everywhere from my mother’s big house and big garden, a relatively isolated rural suburb because the nearest bus stop one would have found 2kms away walking on a dirt road under the beating sun pushing the buggy in fine sand. Once we got to the road we soon could reach the ring road and a fine numbers of malls and mega markets. Once we have drown on the highway to get an ice-cream. It felt what I would have imagined feels like living in a North American suburb.

How Stargate Universe does come into this? No, we didn’t find a stargate in the sand between the highway and the house. The issue is more subtle about societies’ desperate attempts to retain cohesion of some sort through nationalism whatever the price may be and propaganda enhancing such projects.

The bunch of SG personnel, civilian and military for months has been desperately trying to survive as castaways on the ancient starship Destiny millions of light-years from Earth, no hope of ever returning home. An interesting scenario of a small community, yet an entire society being born, an excellent set up to deliver what good sci-fi produces; a critical view of today’s society.

The intriguing enterprise took on somewhat of an action genre when the Lucian Alliance sent a team of warriors to take control of the ship. They are humans too but a ruthless syndicate concerned with power and profits nothing else, not allied with earth. They took over the ship and dropped of most of the SG crew on a planet where they would not have survived long but with some cunning plan the ones remaining on Destiny got them back and the ‘good guys’ won of course. Now they were left with the trouble of what to do with the band of warriors unworthy of their trust. They selected a handful handsome and clever ones to take on while dropped of the rest on another uninhabited planet capable to support human life (somewhat). However Destiny’s crew could not share any equipment with them so they were left with nothing but the clothes they were.

All this is well somehow; one could under certain circumstances justify acts incomprehensible otherwise. The starship travels on and episodes pass. Most undisturbing though is the lack of follow up. Nobody spares another word for those most probably left to die. As if they weren’t human beings or never existed. As if they deserved a treatment was unfair on them. As if the SG crew is morally right to call such judgments just because they had a the moral high ground (originally) as somewhat peaceful explorers and scientists. Thus the how presents us with propaganda: if against ‘us’ you are not one of us, we are people so you aren’t.
A similar story is the over hyped issue of building a Islam cultural centre in downtown New-York. Some argues it shouldn’t be allowed because it isn’t like a Christian centre would be allowed to be built downtown Riyadh. Which argument may be misinformed anyway but that is beside the point. Taking the moral high ground than arguing that our morally inferior opponents deserve the same treatment as they morally inferiorly would subject ‘us’ to really does destroy that moral high in fact it exposes that it never really existed. Best example of such propaganda is ‘24’ where the main character has to torture people in order to be able to save the day. He laments about it for a couple of minutes that has a good torture. Putting the same morality on screen doesn’t make SGU propaganda but what does is the lack of dialogue and debate. There appears to be consensus and the issue is of the topic thus propaganda is born. Probably completely unwillingly and unknowingly but nevertheless.

And how shall I turn this toward Szeged? The recent Local Council elections.
The governing party in the country is called ‘Fidesz MPP and KDNP’ or something like that, and this is just the shorthand! Now Fid rules the parliament with a vengeance and the democratic process has become almost less a façade than it used to (in post democratic states). After the local elections they are happy holders of majority of council seats in most local councils especially so in bigger towns and there may only be 2 bigger settlements where the major is in opposition to the central gov. Szeged is one of this place. The people have voted wrong. In another town, Esztergom the council is contemplating on stripping the new major of pretty much all her rights as a major because she is also in opposition to Fidesz, the people voted wring there too. Ruthless logic of exclusion, supporting propaganda provided above.
I wonder sometimes, if I watch TV I should not bother think about what I see… anyone else?

‘So how does it feel to be home?’

We have been in Hungary for over three months now and countless times the question, in some form or other has came to me. Yes, really, how does it feel to be home? Well, I have a social network, friends among whom I feel comfortable to be myself. I am in no need to reorganise my life according to a new and unfamiliar environment. My kitchen feels mine and comfortable. I have established patterns of shopping and a regular and comfortable routine. I feel comfortable and I don’t feel a need or pressure to comply with norms that I long have forgotten or never even been familiar with. In a nutshell: I’m homesick… when I think about it. I say ‘It doesn’t feel like home here, not anymore’ thinking honesty is the best way forward but it offends others, or so I was told on one occasion. It is offending that I ‘don’t feel’ Hungarian anymore. Which I never said to anyone but apparently when Hungary does not feel like home really means that one is not Hungarian.
Polite, friendly, welcoming and inquiring conversations potentially turn disappointing when I am honest and virtual bloodbaths when I say another word. The nationalist attitude, discourse is overwhelmingly present in people’s thinking. I am Hungarian therefore I am at home now. Lili is my daughter therefore she is Hungarian and her lack of experience in using the local language is a defect to be concerned of. I know without much context these statements seem an overreaction but it would be impossible to sum up the last three months in a few words.
An old friend whom I met again during the summer has made a curious statement which at the time passed without much notice but recently it came into a different understanding when I read a brief article about an old man’s struggle with the authorities regarding his passport application. My friend told me our life was like one ‘you can read in the papers’ and there was this similar story in the papers.
Our story that could have been in the papers is the story about Lili’s passport.
Before coming here we though it might be a good idea for the kids to get their Hungarian passports, to make life easier. Now we know the can only immigrate as Hungarian citizens but at the times we were oblivious to this. We started the process in February, through the embassy in Helsinki. We moved late June and things were not looking good yet although Ernest was lucky to get his passport sometimes late July. Lili’s case is far more complicated because she is over 5 years old and her parents were not married for over 2 years when she was born. Why these two points make the process far more difficult I cannot know because the law states if one of a person’s parent is a Hungarian citizen he or she is automatically a citizen. All that is needed is a proof I thought of my citizenship, which a passport should be sufficient enough to do and a proof that Lili is my daughter.
Trying to settle down and register it is impossible for Lili to go through the administrative process for Hungarians because she doesn’t have papers proving she is Hungarian. I cannot issue a statement to help her obtain such papers because the office cannot understand a birth certificate issued in English therefore I have no proof of our family ties. Never mind the fact that the Republic of Hungary issued a birth certificate for Ernest written in three languages, one of them English. So Lili cannot be recognised as a Hungarian citizen.
At the immigration office where next we tried to register her living here as a British citizen we were told that as it is written on her – remember English language – birth certificate that her father is a Hungarian citizen she cannot immigrate here as she is a Hungarian citizen. Consequently they can do nothing for her.
Now we are awaiting a translation of her birth certificate, it seem to have disappeared somewhere in the machinery of bureaucracy. And consider ourselves lucky that she has social security and health care cover from Finland. Bless Kela! (Hah, this is something I never imagined saying.)
The above story illustrates the attitudes that live in people’s concepts of Hungariannes. It’s kind of an idea where there seem to be so many, many Hungarians. They are everywhere, across the borders, brothers and sisters and all this crap. Than comes the actual count. Quickly turns out that a Hungarian from over the borders is barely better than a none Hungarian if, better at all. Perhaps for language’ sake when employing them paying unfairly low wages.

I have intended to begin writing about Szeged long before we have even set foot here. I wasn’t sure about my intention, I played with some ideas of turning it into half-way fiction and I also thought of just keeping it simple, everyday. So far none of this has happened. Overcoming some long and lately developed fear of the keyboard now eventually started ranting. I am still unsure on the next step, maybe it will remain so for some time to come. Perhaps I shouldn’t intend to write what has led to this moment when the blog entry is written and I should just provide a snapshot.