The other day finishing dinner we were sitting at the table chitchatting. I think our usual conversation topics now increasingly are ones about packing, moving, journey, Oulu, etc. Ernest was still eating but with Lili we talked about the journey. She drew up the route on the table, the map of Poland and the Baltic states, the Baltic sea and Finland. All imaginary lines, and she presented the two alternative journeys, one driving through the Baltic states and the other taking the ferry from Gdansk, actually Gdynia to Helsinki. She was asking which way we go, she wanted to make sure we take the longer route, shorter ferry from Tallinn. I was happy to calm her anxiety because we are driving up to Tallinn. She however amazed me with the incredibly detailed knowledge of the European north-east. A was almost rendered speechless. Almost. But it’s me

Ernest quickly realised that drawing imaginary lines on the table and explaining something very important like ‘blabla tapatee dubiduh…’ will not only get my attention but fill me with pride and joy. And it did. In his case for a slightly different reason than Lili’s, naturally. Nevertheless they both made me joyful in an easy manner.

We run out of boxes. I will have to go on the hunt tomorrow morning again. I guess it happens. Jen fills them up quickly. But I finally managed to start chipping in, taking part in the great effort in ways other than making phone calls. I gather up stuff that need to go in boxes. I did our cloakroom (hah, we have one of those) and I started stripping parts of the kitchen. Ernest was standing on the step this morning doing dishes while I was also standing on the step sorting the glasses and cups cupboard. I must have not anticipated my clumsiness when it comes to breakables.

Wonderful how quickly the human mind can make a decision. I had the choice of trying to catch our last remaining wine glass before it reaches the sink, potentially smashing it up against the cupboard or letting it fall into the sink and smashing to bits there. I chose the former even in the full knowledge this was exactly the way my mum cut her hand rather seriously some 25 years ago. She also went for the catch. Our story didn’t end in the accident and emergency however but Ernest did have to take a break from doing dishes for the incredible amount of shattered glass (you wonder how a wine glass can break into a million splinters).

Small mental note; do not handle breakables above the heads of your children. Taking a break from doing dishes though resulted in tears. I wish my children retained their fondness of dishwashing in the years to come.

Hungary’s EU presidency finishes by the end of June. I was going to ask you to keep watching with a close eye. If you think they were… hm, hard to find a PC word here, so if they were somewhat dubious till now, once the lame light is on Warsaw you can wonder what politicians find themselves doing in Budapest. But. Recent public comments from our beloved Berluscone makes you wonder, why bother at all. I follow politics from four European countries and vaguely from a half a dozen others and honestly, the only place that so far does not make me cry is Scotland. The SNP – if my understanding is correct – managed to win an election through a positive assertion rather than going ugly like the rest of them. Scots also inserted a party into government with a majority in an electoral system that is designed to make such thing impossible. And it’s all about devolved government and self-determination. Make no mistake, I am not fun of this government (I usually rather critical of them all) but I certainly take a joyful break when looking at the relatively civilized manner with which politics is ‘done’ in Scotland (especially when compared with the rest of Europe). Wonder if one day we will return to claim a refuge there from the madness that slowly, actually at an increasing pace creeps up or actually advances on Europe.

I’ve read a status update recently from Glasgow, about not wanting to go shopping with the kids because of the wind. I thought ‘what?’ but quickly remembered, the west coast… hm. If a local complains about the wind there must be flying roofs and cars. And there almost were. Sitting in the 30 degrees heat, bagging for rain I wonder, politics is a thing and climate is another. For the time being

15th March

This afternoon once again I had the opportunity to watch someone drifting out of consciousness. Although if I am honest I of course have to admit that he wasn’t exactly drifting out only but also drifting into another one, into dream world. And it was a real pleasure to watch. I think in many routine, daily rituals I have forgotten to appreciate their beauty and use the occasion to move on, do something else while… but every now and again it is nice to anchor back to the reality of that other person.

Ernest used to go to sleep on his own, even for day naps. He now proudly walks off to bed in the evenings and changes his mind only once or twice banging on the door. Day-aps at home are different. Once he gets really tired he would prefer to lie down on my lap, his legs tucked under my arms, his head balanced between my knees not quite rolling of either side, not quite hanging down but not resting particularly stable either. He used to be more relaxed about the posture but his recent experience with the Hungarian Health Care system (HNHS) made him a bit more fixated on these details. He would fall asleep like this while I read the papers (this would be news portals on the net), read some other article on the computer or perhaps play a game.

I watched him drift away to dream world today. Perhaps recent experience called me to pay more attention, don’t know, it could also be a case of Jen using the computer and I couldn’t be bothered to reach for a book.

In the morning, we were still in bed, just resting, relaxing, contemplating if we should get out of bed at all. It was the last morning before Lili is coming home, school starts and everything is back to normal. Ernest have been up for some time. He was hungry so I have provided him with some snacks. He kept bashing bread into our faces demanding we share his food. Eventually he got it, we weren’t hungry and it pissed him off so much he threw the whole thing in the corner. Than he sat down and pulled his socks off with a face ‘you called for this!’

He knows we prefer him to have socks on, it’s a bit cold for the feet otherwise. So he wanted to hurt us by removing them. But he is a very organised and decent rebel because after taking his sock off he carefully put them back in his clothes cupboard making sure they are easy to find for later use (once they feet will start getting cold).

But I was going to write about the big pompous celebration today. Some 150something years ago there was some kind of a revolution – there have been a whole bunch of them around Europe that year – which in Hungary turned to be longer war. The canon says it’s an independence war but I consider it more a civil war. (of course my perception is not that of the nation state, after all I look at WW1 as primarily not in inter-state but an intra-state war, a civil war as well between different classes within given societies)

It’s a big thing! People walk about with the tricolour pinned to their chest all day, some even does it for days before. I have quit doing it 16 years ago, my motivation wasn’t that of the conformist ‘don’t get into politics’.

But it’s a big day, even the prime minister has given a speech, and they say he really pulled out all the stop. Apparently he told the European commission to go and f#”k themselves, although he may have used slightly different wording. I bet you he enjoys all the pompous nonsense. He believes in some crazy stuff, they have a lot to share with Cameron. I couldn’t decide which one of them I would prefer. Probable neither.

Lili asked me today what do people celebrate. I had difficulties answering. It’s a ritual of the state to craft and make-believe an imagined community in order to get people to do things in the name of and for this imagined community that otherwise they wouldn’t do in their right mind. She claimed she understood. We went to the park then.

Yesterday, when I saw the communist party gathering on the square I wanted to ask them how can they match communism with displays of nationalism. It’s a question that could have been asked of those regimes this party is a remnant of. But I didn’t ask.

5thJanuary

Blank Page

in solidarity with silenced and oppressed media in hungary and other countries

January 4th

Back to reality, atlough from the dates of the journal, one would never know that reality has been left and what may have been the quality of that alternative reality. Nevertheless we spent much of the day doing loundry and trying to reorganise our home to fit the stuff that one calles christmass presents.
Not having much furniture while a third of our home pretty much cannot be classified as living space at the moment it is a tiresome task.

Jen fell asleep in the armchair during the afternoon while I fidgeted with the computer, trying to make it work again. Ernest kindly stroke her hair from time to time - Jen's hair - which times I was scared he might get curious what if, what if he grabs and pulls? he didn't. In the meantime Lili grew tired of her drawing project and just started piling toys in the living room... I guess she finds it cosier there. The mess drives us crasy not her, not her concern therefore.

I spent much of the early evening fidgeting on the computer, another one, rather than studying, like I do while typing this. I could have, should be using this time for something like reading or studying. of course, if I didnt I would be sitting at a parents' evening in the school. Instead, I am at the reception. A fellow receptionist asked me last night to swap with her.

Heard news today that our imaginary dragon is hanging out in the lower Alps, near Graz somewhere around Pasail. he got there a a bit after we have left but called today he will stay on a while, sledging is fun he sais and I cannot but agree. We are back to the flat lands and it is boring. Dusty already even though construction works in the city are mostly stopped now. Traffic still takes its talls on ari quality...

by the way, about hungary
tomorrow it's the 5th. ha, that is some knowledge. But some group is organising a blackout, or to be more precise an international voluntary blankout of webpages. to support their not liking of the new lack of free media in hungary. I hope that big providers will join too. Imgine the echo if such pages as the bbc for instance went blank for a day.

Sadly, EU leaders eagerly welcomed hungary's taking over the presidency this january. of course, they don't want the rest of the world to get the 'wrong' picture of the EU, countries and leaders quarelling about stuff. Perhaps they forgetting the message, the picture they are sending by not doing so. priorities...hm. Recently talking about wikilieaks with a friend we were supporting each other's outrage of the treatment they got. European governments for instance let companies get away with treating wikileaks as a terrorist organisation, or even chip in themselves. I ask than why would they actually care about introducing formal censorship in hungary when it is already in the EU? Perhaps they are eagerly taking notes.

Anyways, as wikileaks' story shows yet again, or tretment ofanti estabilishment pacifist rallies (here talking of experience) what is classed as terrorism is what challanges the status que, or the 'official' development of society. Regardless what it is, movements, ideas, ideals and dreams, some of them are violent, some of them are increadibly progressive... that is not the point.

Taking another turn: I have seen some skislopes in that lower alps and came to the conclusion that there must be a thriving top of the mountain community in the alps as every year there are probably thousands of people who go up on the skilift and scare off from coming back down on the slope. I want to believe they settle doqwn and live happily ever after.