30th May

We have taken another leap. A different kind. I am learning new things to get along with our car. It seems I have been being overprotective. Now I know, I need to give it some air... but this isn’t the leap.

Children’s day came and passed. I don’t know if it is an international one, but definitely a local one. You could think that we didn’t bother ourselves with it but it isn’t true. When all things considered. Ernest and I – as planned – yesterday departed for Budapest.. Jen and Liliom were left behind at Szeged ( I almost wrote Oulu here). Lili couldn’t really come with us because she needs her final, stage practices before the ballet performance on Thursday. I had to come to bring the car to be checked over proper by some trusty workshop. Especially that we are gonna take it abroad for a considerable length of time. It would have been foolish to leave Ernest behind, Jen could have done no packing during the days whatsoever, time wasted for everyone.

Lili at first thought it was an unfair deal. Later she realised that she would have a few days without having to accommodate the mad needs of a 2 year old toddler. Besides, Jen promised her sewing machine learning experiences and perhaps other special events. And she could play sophisticated games with detailed toy layout without having to worry about imminent end. So a children’s day in a sense for days to come.

Ernest was rather nervous on Sunday morning. We were packing the car and getting ready to go. He is always worried he might gets left behind. Eventually we were sitting in the car getting good bye kisses from the other two. The realisation, that we were going, in our lada, just him and I… in that instant he lived children’s day.

After about a third of the journey he fell asleep. Not much later I picked up a man walking by the side of the road. Apparently he was going from Romania to Budapest, mostly walking because it is hard to hitch a ride here, and he will definitely find work in Budapest. He didn’t speak Hungarian, only a couple of words. A couple of words of English, Romanian, Russian, a Roma dialect from Romania. Our conversation exhausted after about three minutes, then he too fell asleep. A bit of a disappointment of a hitchhiker.

This morning taking the car to the service, driving on the dirt roads leaving from my mum’s place, at the first corner I picked up an elderly couple. Drove them to the nearest bus stop on the main road (actually not the nearest but the one near to Cora, more buses stop there). They were most surprised to be offered a ride by someone so young. Young people usually don’t bother themselves with helping others nowadays. Maybe I am just not so young anymore. Maybe I find it natural to give a ride to people, considering, I have travelled enough in other’s cars.
Our time here since we arrived is rather pleasant. I don’t get to do much though as the car is gone, and Ernest need to be kept an eye on in the garden. I filled up the little paddling pool with water for him, he gathered some flower-heads and petals into it and spent much of the day between the pool and the sandpit. Occasionally chasing some of the animals etc…

Before I post maybe it is time to explain what the leap is!
it is our car use, we travelled with our car, last time we went to Szeged it was a journey with a stranger. It felt different now. It was a travel with a car we now mean business with. We are adamant to take each other to places we go. It was comfortable. and funnily this is one of the most comfortable cars to drive I have driven recently.

May 16th

I am writing with some degree of guilt. It’s… actually hard to speak of it, but I suppose I need to say, to be honest and straightforward even when carrying the guilt equivalent to that of a true nationalist’s when betraying his country. I started another blog, in Hungarian I thoroughly enjoy writing it. I am in fact very excited about it for it is a new chance, another horizon to explore with a largely different set of people, even if there is some overlap. I am excited to non-politically write politics, Hungarian politics to people I usually bit concerned of offending when saying things straight out without a blog. But it also feels like I am starting another family parallel to this and of course while I am aware that it isn’t a real family, not in the traditional, nuclear family sense the history of… I am just blathering, perhaps wanting to show off. Sorry. I know love cannot be split only multiplied.

Ernest and I had a conversation on the phone today. It was a first one. We were right next to each other though. He loves phones but he will not talk to anyone on them, only imagine talking to someone. Today I was using both skpye and the phone to take care of a list of things that required phoning people. Mostly official stuff. He wanted a piece of the action so with the headset on my, hm, head I called the phone which he was imagining to have a conversation through. It was exciting. Than I helped him to ‘pick it up’. After some time he went along with the idea of talking so we did.

We started packing today, I think you think it’s soon, month before we go, but as proven it is just about time besides, the sooner we are packed, the more relaxed the actual hectic parts will be. The children handle it differently. Liliom dressed up as a cat. Ernest started packing too. Didn’t want to listen to Jen that should he pack his favourite cats into the boxes that will be open again in August only he will not have those cats.

Generally, the kids seem content though so long as - in front of them – I don’t get into the packing with Jen (they follow me around and stand in the way). I actually feel happy about it. She has experience you know. When we moved to Finland I was already in Finland when she had to pack up everything on her own. When we came over here I had exams then I took off for a week just before moving leaving her with the stuff. Maybe I should just let her handle it this time as well. I wonder what her comment will be.

Of course I am not being true here, I do keep busy with all the paperwork, money matters, organising, phone calls and blogging.

May 7th

Owning a car keeps one busy. Yesterday Ernest and I took it down the local autoclub to have it checked out and get some papers with which we can get some more papers to then get the papers. While waiting on the mechs to do their job we gone for a walk, after the playground we nipped into Szeged Plaza, by far the largest shopping mall in south-east hungary. around the size of Stockman downtown Oulu. We were thrown out of the sport shop, in fact not allowed in because I had a backpack and weren’t willing to give it up. Never mind that we were the only shoppers in the sportshop probably due to the early hour while there was a security guy and two other shop assistants on duty besides the cctv. regulations are regulations.

We spent the rest of the day with shopping. Ernest slept trough the market for which I was thankful, was not up for chasing him around there. We also spent the day in anticipation of the Scottish election results and following the news of the UK results somewhat, mostly the referendum.

We parked the car by the way, fairly early yesterday and haven’t bothered with it since so my opening statement isn’t so true for this last couple of days at least
Liliom has the habit of jumping of her bed far as she can onto a matrass and some giant inflatable coushin. Ernest copies her although he hasn’t gathered the courage to actually jump yet. Probably due to the relative weight of his head. He still gathers their duvets and pillows right next to the bed and after dutyfuly counting to three, as seen from Lili, he steps out of the bed onto the pile.

Last night we had some wine celebrating the Scottish election results. Although I am cautious to celebrate the SNP. The interesting development is there nevertheless. I believe if we cannot just yet do away with the state, at least government should be brought closer to people and the smaller a state is the easier this task can be. For me it’s about locus of control.

In the UK people generally voted down the idea of a more representative electoral system. The argument to support such decision that through a more proportional system (the current first pass the post is one of the least) there would be a greater chance for a ‘hung’ parliament and coalition governments that are unstable and yara yara.

The past four years the Scottish government was a minority government (which is an unimaginable notion in Westminster) yet this gov managed to now gain such an overwhelming swing of seats that the SNP controls more than half the seats in Hollyrood. This has happened in an electoral system which is practically designed to prevent it.

The arguments against changing the UK voting system are false as in Westminster there is an unstable coalition government contrary to the disproportionate electoral system and in Hollyrood there is a majority government contrary to a far more proportional system. Maybe voters voted the proposals down cause they annoyed with the Libdems, but surely; punish other, smaller parties?

Looking at the developing political culture in Scotland I came to realise that unlike most central europen countries Scotland will go on its separate way – prob in a couple more elections – once it’s ready, it has a tradition of a democratic process well developed. A culture of parliamentary politics.

I wonder if a political tradition is a reason for the no vote on the referendum now. A more proportionate representative system would get parties such as UKIP into Westminster in numbers. And look at Finland to see where does that get you. What if that seemingly idiotic no was a very well calculated no?

Naturally, I am critical of it nevertheless. Even bogyman nationalist must be confronted in a dialogue (ok, this is told by me who half the time runs away from such confrontations) but more importantly, here comes the Marxist, maintaining the status qou benefits the structure that is already in power; economic, or corporate fascist. They are only really a step away from hard liner nationalist and nationalist-fascist, besides, in the current system the electorate is also robed from choosing someone else. In such system many probably just opts to take the least worst, as the result of the referendum shows.

Tomorrow we should go to the zoo or something like that, take plenty pictures – if we find the camera – and have a photo blog entry. It takes a lot more composition to write photo on electoral systems

Ant the whole point mentioning the wine was that being drunk after the second glass I realised that I have dropped my thesis topic. Looking for a new one. Then Jen told me that she thinks I have dropped my topic quite some time ago and only my stubbornness kept me on it but she didn’t want to say, just in case now I don’t quite remember what.

Chapter 14, or something like that

Chapter 14, or something like that

I wrote an entry yesterday, not the first time not posting. Chapter 14? I like how it sounds between my teeth. And it is a long entry, all those that failed to be posted recently.
Follows a succession of complaints. A now increasingly obvious addiction to blogging slowly revealed in my mind. When things aren’t written down they look often miserable. And everything could look more picturesque should I find the usb cable for my camera.

The following is from April 7th

Recommencing now with hope to have come to the end of a spring that has inspired us to let it go largely unnoticed ( the spring). I hope we will not be having such distractions in the future. The last time I engaged in some other writing, a blog rather than a seemingly endless writing of essays and online debates was a day short of a month ago. Since…

Ernest has been imprisoned for a brief period of 2 nights. It’s a long story, I should have written it exploiting the emotional heights but I feared to do so.
It is a fear that probably similar in experience of moments when I cannot avoid engaging in ‘communication’ with holocaust denying anti-Semites. Although rationally thinking a foolish fear. It is a different emotional response. Its magnitude however is so great that I stop being accountable, or at least I feel such way, so I make actually a rational decisions to halt communication – with the crazies – and I made the same choice when not telling about the toddlers’ prison. Hospitals here can be
Another emotional moment and the subsequent event came when Liliom hit a car while cycling. Unbelievable luck that it was not the other way around.
In the morning Ernest stood at the table …
…At this point the writing finished until about April 20th

Last week Lili’s grandparents, Elisabeth and Gordon were visiting, from Scotland. They stayed for 10 days, it was a pleasant encounter. We don’t meet often, especially I. This post is not about their staying, I think I am maybe too self-centred now for that.

There was a small incident that describes well this entire year we have dedicated to our Hungarian ‘roots’.

The first weekend our visitors were in Hungary we all stayed at my mother’s house outside of Fot, nearby Budapest spending the days in the city. On Sunday the three of them, Lili, Gran and Gordo we took into town. They were going to take a ride on one of the sightseeing buses of Budapest. It’s a convenient way to have a drive by and description of most prominent touristic sites of the city. The plan was to drive them to the city park dropping off at the stop for the sight bus. The section of the park where the bus would have stopped was closed for traffic. We then drove around to another part of the park from where they could have gotten to the bus or take a subway fairly easily to another bus stop. On weekends the no parking signs on the side streets there are generally ignored for a lack of adequate parking and an obvious high demand. Not that day however, parking tickets were vigorously applied to anyone daring to leave the care unattended. We couldn’t stop there. So as an alternate plan to the alternate plan we had to drive back to the neighbourhood where the end of line subway station is from where they could go into the city centre to take the tour bus.
We spent the entire year like this. Plan, plan B, improvised alteration for plan B, improvised plan C…

I am looking forward to go home, so to speak. I have been talking of Oulu as home sort of half serious but I have come to realise that at the moment it seems home is rather there than here. For some time I have felt that the environment in which we enjoy our lives in Oulu is home. It is largely the people, similar semi-rootless bunch, the progressively inclined department at the uni, but also the way of life which until now, or at least the time a year ago has certainly bore the marks of a tolerant society where being different at worst brought a reaction of polite indifference.

For some years now I have been watching what has been happening to Hungary, the political consequences of the new order. The backlash; how it so eagerly as a society resettles into pitiful hatred, racism, anti-semitism. A path towards nationalist fascism seems to be the preferred response, protection against corporatist capitalism and a reshaping form of sovereignty. I thought it was still important to me somehow, ‘my people’ governing themselves into a form of madness that seemed incomprehensible to come again in Europe. I realised I watched this as an outsider, or rather, as a soap on tv; interesting moral dilemmas but little real significance. Witnessing the elections in Finland helped me to this realisation.
I felt touched, we both felt touched with grave concerns. Is this menace coming there too? Is it really possible? Of course one shouldn’t be surprised if reading the signs beforehand but our gasping for air caught us of guard.
The climate in Szeged, using the word to mark the weather patterns, is just ideal for someone who loves the continental European weather. The cyclic changes of the seasons, the modest, gradual changes are wonderful to experience as the months flow by.

Lili enjoyed being Hungarian for a while and perhaps this time has asserted, or to be more precise shaped a new part of her identity which she wasn’t there before. As a family we have learnt to rely on one and other more than ever, probably. Considering we haven’t managed to make much if any contacts otherwise with locals and outsiders here. I have enjoyed and still do spending time with the kids more than I ever had time for. I am looking forward to spend another year of the same from when we are back in Oulu, more so that we will have a familiar environment, familiar people. At least for me. Ernest and I will most certainly will miss the market. There is nothing that can possibly replace it.

A recent event is an example, I believe of the uncertain life that is probably every day for people who are accustomed to life here.

There is a case running for a minor offence against Liliom at the police. When the offence took place, the police informed us that there will be an investigation (because of the road traffic accident) but they haven’t bothered to tell that she would be charged with a minor offence. This offence is that she was not pushing her bike across the road but rode it. There was a green light for pedestrians which would have given her the right of way but because she was riding, she has lost it and it is therefore the car’s which was turning and almost run her down. Luckily she has run into the car at a slow speed and she wasn’t injured apart from a scratch and a scare.
…
It was an endless rent but also something else. A first attempt to summarise staying in Hungary. I realise that some of those who call this place home will find it disturbing, as already have had probably often, but I am never easy on the place where I reside and stay, the place that even if momentary is my home. And Hungary actually still happens to be one that I know in most detail. It isn’t personal. Although there may be a degree of frustration over inability to be acultured and content.

As it happens, I repeated the post from April just yesterday intending to post it but ending up not bothering. I will attach it here although it is the same message in a very similar structure and speech. But I think once out there, I can move on the stopping panicking, and getting on to the otherwise wonderful and challenging process of moving our lives now 2000kms north.
May 4th as follows:

I shall begin without promise of joyful happy pretty stories but perhaps still asserting I shall not engage in political blogging regardless of the now obvious unstoppable advance of European fascism.

We are going home in the middle of June – at long last - to a place that may have changed significantly since we have left it. Last time in Finland the university reforms have shown a sign of things to come, in the far future, and we still believed that while bigot conservatism lurks beneath the grass, of a direction where social cohesion is largely enforced rather than negotiated, we believed it was still far out. Recent elections have shown that fascism is on the rise in Finland and the near future registration of the Nazi party shows a rapidly changing sentiment. It used to be a state which prided itself on tolerance. By the time we get home this may not be the case anymore.

Still, perhaps in Finland we still have a fighting chance , making a stand before it’s too late. Here in Hungary, it feels even by the time we got here almost a year ago it was too late. The country now has a constitution that no longer recognises the equal worth of every individual in its political community and one that opens the doors to a constitutionally enforced (and often defined on racist terms) class society. Of course I know that the setting of new rules is always, as in the case of the Finish university reforms, merely an adjusting to the discourse, the sentiment and the practice that is already present and valid (in the sense that society largely functions along such values).

To remain non-political perhaps it is best to turn towards a brief assessment of this past year.

Weeks before we were due to depart from Oulu KELA broke the news to us that staying home with Ernest I will not be eligible the social benefits. I would have been should we have stayed in Finland instead of Hungary but Jen has been sent abroad as a student by a Finish organisation and not as an employee. We lost about 40% of income for this year with a stroke of a pen. Anyone in their right minds – now I think – would have called it off. We didn’t out of some real or perceived duty to grandparents, my parents here in Hungary. After a tight stay in Szeged now we are experiencing the difficulties to raise funds to make it home where we can start raising funds much easier (here we aren’t even allowed to take up employment without losing our Finnish social security).

It has been a most interesting year perhaps in many ways but also a most disappointing. Ernest perhaps the one who realises the least what he may have been losing. Of course, he has benefited from spending more time with my parents, at least with my mother, and hear a lot more Hungarian than he would have otherwise but he didn’t have anyone his own age to hang out with as I failed to make contact with local stay at home mothers. Liliom perhaps is the sole beneficiary of this excursion. She has enjoyed the school year here although Jen and I at times concerned should she spend any more time here she would grow up to have difficulties accepting difference even if spending years at the Waldorf-Steiner school. Jen stated today, she has just wasted a year. Professionally certainly, she has managed to learn barely anything here and as a family we have no longer the resources to fund another exchange studies to universities where they offer courses that are along her professional and personal interests. Returning to Oulu she will have to retake a bunch of courses that were inappropriate here one way or the other. We haven’t managed to make friends in Szeged, I have tried to rekindle old friendships but my developing anti-nationalist and neo-Marxist, slightly syndicalist manners have gotten in the way. Jen I think made fairly good friend with a fellow exchange student also from Oulu. I spent the last year with an amazing array of bureaucratic encounters that I eventually got bored of noting down, dodging conversations that were potentially racist, fascist or at least based arguments on a mix of pseudo-scientific origin myths that on a good day I laugh at on a bad one I bite my tongue. The last year talked openly to Jen only without being concerned of or outright offending people.

The hearing from Lili’s car crash has been today. We thought for some reason that it was going to be tomorrow so we missed it. It was a hearing of the two witnesses, the driver of the car and the person driving behind him. When I was at the police station couple of weeks ago I found out the case will not come to much. The traffic police started the process against Lili for braking some paragraph of traffic rules and crushing into a car causing some 60€ worth of damage. It will probably be a closed case since she is a minor and cannot be made legally responsible for her actions. Although they – the police – thought it was likely that the driver will not accept this and will claim damages on us. Never mind it was perhaps on a split of a second that it wasn’t Lili crashing into his car but his car crashing into a cycling 7 year old. In most other European countries I lived at before, this would be a case against the driver, or at least I want to believe that After all, the accident happened on a pedestrian crossing while the pedestrians had the green light and Lili was perfectly visible to the driver at all times, even before he started moving with his car (as previously he was standing at a red lamp). But this is the country where I spend running in circles, from office to office until I learn better that whatever the state does is perfectly logical and it is its subjects that are out of line.
I right now feel I will bless the day I eventually have packed up house and family. Shipping is on the way and kids are in the car. We are on the go. Maybe a roadtrip, a summer just the four of us, no huss and no fuss will help us to relax.

But honestly, we bought a car. It’s a nice car although good Hungarian paranoia tells me we were cheated somehow and trouble will strike us. It’s hard to believe that the previous owner may have been a mostly decent, honest person telling as everything to the best of his knowledge.

Ernest and I took the car to Szeged yesterday. The process to register it under my name will take a week or so for the car need to go under some examination of origin (making sure it wasn’t stolen or put together from a bunch of cars etc) and after that the insurance papers need to be changed and then the names on the car’s papers can be changed. Before initiating all these I hoped to get a monthly parking pass for the car as I am eligible as a resident in the inner town. I was told I can get that pass only once my names are on the papers and I should not kick up a fuss because it is really just a formality (at three different places which could take days at best). After reading the regulation issued by the City Council of Szeged I pointed out that none of the paragraphs administering resident based parking rights demand that the owner’s name has to be on the car’s papers, only that I either, as a resident have to own the car or have to have rights as permanent user of the car which I wish to park under my name . Since I have the contract of selling the car I have proven ownership of the car. Of course they asserted I was stupid and really just being difficult. I made an official complaint.

About three months ago I made an official complaint and a suggestion at the university library. I was kindly informed they are sorry for the inconvenience and were already working on sorting out the problem at the time of my complaint. Today I could make the same complaint for so far they have not managed to finish that process. Remember to know your place, subject as in ‘object of the authorities’.
But all is well. We have had a royal wedding watched by billions.
…
I fell now better although I suspect only few, if any have gotten to read the last lines of this post

March 9th

Spring cleaning. It's spring now. Of course locals don't quite call it a spring when it's regularly around minus ten in the mornings but we know better. I got an urge to spring clean. Maybe it has nothing to do with spring but the regular cleaning and tidying just cannot go on any longer. All the corners are full with clutter that is regularly or at some point some time ago has been shoved there so when we try to shove things away they just instantly flow back out. Lili's desk is like that, we clear and clean it sometimes than agree that she shall tidy away what she works on and with after finishing, for it is impossible to keep Everything there. Then things start to gather till only a very tiny worm or caterpillar could just wriggle there a little.

Yesterday I had a go at their room and now the desk is clean. Finally it is ok for Ernest to work there too and he does love it. While Liliom is in school we gather some paper and very nicely play with the felt pens. I am surprised how long he manages to play 'nice', putting the tips back on and the pens back in their holders. I think soon grandparents and other volunteers can start receiving sophisticated pictures from Ernes. Lili really liked the one I put up in the kitchen today, she liked the colour coordination.

In the afternoon when everyone was at home already I was in the kitchen while Ernest in the kid's room was drawing at the desk. Lili was reading. And Jen in the kitchen too when Ernest started shouting 'Apa, apa...' didn't stop. It turned out one of the lids fell on the floor and he needed help, someone to pick it up for him! He by the way also said Mum today. Lookin at one of Lili’s drawing he almost said cat, ‘cica’ but bother only with the second syllables. He might turn out a mumbler like the rest of us.

Liliom wasn’t so keen on Ernest enjoying some drawing at Her desk. And the two of them cannot really handle it together. I think they both think that the other is just an extension of their own will and it is unbearable and unprocesseable to realise that it isn’t so.


I have been having a somewhat moody day. Had a nice day, yet, I feel a bit unexplainably not so good. Perhaps worried about something although we finally managed to get access to our bank account so we can re-engage with the money system. Yet there is still something. I spend a lot of time with Ernest and as he is not quite well (some diarrhea) I have plenty of time to worry about him. probably that's it. Or maybe somehting else. Can't quite put my figner on it. It's a shame though. Maybe it is just a lack of sleep and rest when spring is coming ( so I sit up blogging). I wanna do a spring cleaning, hang out with the kids all day, do a couple of online course and about a dozen other things. Silly. Anyways, I sit in a café while Liliom was in her ballet class and Jen prepped dinner with Ernest. Started reading a book.

I got through reading much of the introduction of a book collection of existentialist writings. The book was published in 1966 in 'communist' Hungary. It eagerly provides a Marxist analysis and critique of existentialism explaining in detail how it is nothing but another example of the crisis of capitalist societies and a half-hearted reaction to the imperialist expansionism of capitalist states, to the fight for hegemony in the international system.

The critique however seems to forget to maintain its own Marxist analysis and critique. But of course in '66 free speech was even more an issue in Hungary than nowadays. Or actually less an issue as there was not much to go around. Anyways, the Marxist criticism of the so called Marxist reality of the revolution would be that the personal cults were not the only immoral, damaging, unnecessary and false aspects of these regimes. After all 60s Hungary was also playing, and playing big time on nationalism, proto-fascist militarism and bourgeois greed. Besides, the so called communist countries while had a degree of barter system at the end they were also integrated within the international state system, an inherently capitalist system and they were also engaged in the same game of hegemony and imperialist expansionism as those evil capitalists.

Funnily the editor of the book, writing the introductory analysis seemed to have difficulties placing some French fellows, Camus and Sartre who happened to be more or less Marxist themselves, Sartre convicted that existentialism was merely a critical development of Marxism, arguing similarly to Guevara (yes, that guy with the same first name as Hemingway) that drinking milk these days doesn't require one to declare himself to be a Pasteurian
, it's just simply how it is now, thus Marxist analysis isn't 'an' alternative to capitalism for instance, just this is how it is and would be foolish and inconsistent to think otherwise. (or something like that, can be googled). Camus was probably a syndicalist and few get more communist than them.

Have you noticed my amasing list of tags?!
Jen thinks they are stupid

February 24th

Ernest is now clever as a monkey!

This morning I was prepping breakfast, a jug of water was already on the table but the glasses were still on their way when I noticed that Ernest couldn’t wait and using a stick (a pencil) he managed to extract water from the narrow ‘waterhole’. A scene from nature movies.

Otherwise we do civilised – in the contemporary modernist sense – activities with the children as well. For instance Jen helped Liliom learn crocheting yesterday amidst some frustration. It seems at times Lili while no fuss no trouble learns anything at school without much questioning at home she exercises the critical thinking we so keenly teach her to. She does it without critically thinking of her critical approach however so even when comes to copying a mechanical process she will insist that something is wrong with it and do it some other creatively invented way. Usually a more complicated and not quite workable way.

On this topic some more; the other day she practically ripped my heart out. It hurt.
They were given the recorders finally and learnt a song on it straight away. On the way home she let me know about this fantastic development. I had a suspicion and whistled the song I thought it may be when she told me it wasn’t that song. I wondered because it is the simplest song – of Hungarian origin – I know and this is the one I taught her on our recorder.

At home she showed us the new treasure, which is a simpler instrument than ours, a recorder nevertheless. Then she played the song I whistled and we learnt to play years ago.

Later she excitedly telling me about the day, she told me about a classmate who ‘imagine’ was the only one who already knew the song and could play it. This was the point where it particularly hurt for I realised this is not merely a conflict between school and home, which is one to be expected with parents like Jen and I. It runs deeper. It may be that without explanation one is already able to see it, I cannot articulate the issue now, too much is running through my head.

The morning with Ernest was more relaxing than contemplating issues of identity, social and self created or perceived pressures to assimilate and value based conflicts and shaping of multiple identities while attempting to integrate in a host society.

While I ran through the news, which is Al Jazeera now, for they are the only ones not only reporting from places where the most people died yesterday but actually trying to report from everywhere in the middle east, Ernest spent some time playing with the wooden trains lining the cars next to each other than pushing them across the room. After getting across, turning back.

Fortunately we didn’t pick up playing with the beads: from one container to another than back to the first one. Those beads by the way came from a set of bangles (wrist bands) about which Lili was right. They would snap.

When I finished with the news it was time for me to get on the ground and involved with those trains. I think the wooden train set is another set of toys that is recommended only to people who are at least smart as an average ape when obviously a monkey can play with them too. At times I wonder what do I make of it all, Ernest and trains. I tried to be neutral about them and encourage only his interest and actions but at which stage one has to admit that there are other people who participate in socialising our children and his ‘natural’ affection for objects with wheels attached is not necessarily so natural while some continuously would argue at me that they are.

Eventually we moved on to trying to find a clean pair of tights which took some time but we returned to the trains a little longer before leaving for the...
...shopping mall. A chance to run, do some shopping, grab some lunch and generally be somewhere else than home but not the street. This kind of place used to be the uni at Oulu but Szeged lacks a similar... hm, place just sounds so simple and degrading but I guess it should do, place.

He got stuck by a lawn mower on display. It had wheels you see. I had to bribe with satsumas. You remember them, the cause of collapse of global ethics and international agreements.

Back to Lili, yesterday I noticed some difference in her behaviour at different times. Last week when it was ski break she spent a lot of times with books, especially after our visit to the library on Tuesday. Now that she is back to school she spends an incredible amount of time knitting or crocheting. We certainly have an issue here described in detail earlier but just recently posted

And a week ago on our way to the capital city (where we got into a car and drove off to my mums place which is ironically is where the definition of periphery was first contemplated)

I bought Ernest a cleaning set.

It’s been snowing all day. four months ago I prophesised daffodils for the end of February. I begin to wonder if an old friend was wrong about me... or my field perhaps isn’t weather planning and forecast.

January 21st

We had steak.

I’m glad I can write it down. I think, I feel no shame. Even if our dinner means another nail in the coffin of our lovely climate. It was worth it. I can’t remember the last time I have had such a piece of meat on my plate( I think we may have had some at Christmas 2 years ago), and I am sure it was a first for Ernest. I got some pretty good meat at my local butcher – well sort of local, the market is 5 minutes away but serves half the county. The price was a bit under a euro for every hundred grams. I shopped till around 700gs and I thought Jen and I will eat ourselves to death on beef tonight but my children surprised me. It was a delight watching them chewing and sucking away on small chunks of meet slowly, comfortably. They looked like eating just cooked meat is in their genes, carried from the times of prehistoric days (and odd concept, prehistoric).

A new hobby has taken off in the house as I find some help in putting away the laundry. I fold up the clothes and Ernest continuously shuttles them to Liliom who then puts them away or puts them into their right places when Ernest gets carried away and thinks he knows where to put them. And now you shall go aawh, that’s so cute! But remember one thing or two. Yes I do involve them around the house, in the house work in a playful way learning about living and all that stuff that is so nice. I also am teaching them about industrialised life, breaking up processes into small, mindlessly or more or less so manageable pieces where time is of the essence and efficiency is the key. Perhaps one considers me a pretty miserable person for having a Marxist analytical spin on hanging out with my kids. No comment.

I would like some feedback on an entirely political issue. This will be the eating of the pudding actually because i was receiving messages about these blogs but I sometimes wonder – here is the Hungarian trust none, especially not yourself logic – so I wonder if Jen asked you to do so therefore I can feel important and loved again because... let’s not go there.

So the question ir around the event on Wednesday in Strasbourg in the EU parliament, were you aware that Mr. Orban was there, do you know who is he and if yeses are for these two than what do you think of his reception? It was fascinating to watch if you ask me – here goes the stay at home parent, loaded with background tv time. Altough I didn’t understand most of it considering only now and again someone talked in a language I do.

We have moved in on 15th August 2010. At some point this week we finally got around to have a curtain. I feel very civilised now. But you know, we do have some awesome views so maybe this is the delay

I have mentioned about river cottage before, how it has become a family event in the evenings. The other day after dinner they were for some change quietly playing away in the other room when just out of curiosity I leaned in the door and in a calm, easy going tone said the apparently magic words ‘river cottage’... within thirty seconds they were sitting on the sofa, organised, ready to go, I mean watch. It’s a nice show to watch with them perhaps for there can be something in it for everyone and thus the perfect relaxing together as a family achieved. A friend once argued with me that there is some point to TV. I remember I was not accepting her point, we just got rid of our tv maybe a month before. Now I see that at times, in ways perhaps there is.

I forgot all about the things that happaned to me yesterday. should have written them down yesterday...
I remember hanging out in and around town all morning with Ernest. watching tons of Caprica in the evening. Should I say the ending was predictible? hm, I guess it was pretty pre-determined.

biggest thing: we finally, after 6 months caugth up with washing only to discover that we don't have enough wardrobe space. there is sweet irony here.

Ernest's new hobby is climbing on the table. Our new nigthmare is Ernests' new hobby with Lili adding her horrific, forced, loud laughter which she now started doing again. It perhaps has something to do with school. she wasnt doing it during the holidays. There is stuff that she learns there. the significant ones from other kids. I think so far she has managed to avoid learning too much from the teacher for she doesn't ask 'what?' or something like that when she doesn't get something. At least children teach each other stuff.

In the afternoon we started working on a cut out fold in a thousand ways then glue and hold for an hour paper model (ok, I was exaguarating). managed to finish. Lili kind of got bored for the glue is just not quick enough but she perceviered. perhaps better than I have. Ernest wanted to help and for a good few minutes he managed to sit or better say riggle on my lap and pay attention to what we were doing.

We also went to the doctor to get the next set of vacination. It was a bit weired but nothing impossible to handle. If you remember, the last openly bitching blog entry... of course I am in a bit better shape now. The doctor was a bit more relaxed too actually.

so this is it. I find ways to procrastinate from needed academic readings...

Politically... same same as usual, kind of bored of it now.
Jen said that nick cleg is increasingly looking, talking, moving (and probably thining) like the big mand cameron himself. hm

27December

Have spent some time in the morning clearing the driveway, all that snow! I feel very cared. Then Ernest spent some time screaming till he eventually fell asleep. Next – and here comes the confession – which than breaks up my planned list of annoying things to moan about, hm, got stuck here and there is no spinning that takes me back on track. SO short is that someone I never met, over the internet has decided that th ebest way of entertaining myself would be to join an imaginary nazi organisation. After this I was leaving to take my mum to a party with her friends when Lili decided to throw quite a show to us and behave in a manner that we shocked when seeing in ernest. To further my discomfort – and others’ – I responded to her ont he same level. I popped in to say hello to my mum’s friends only to be greeted with some conversation about my father (they are divorced, my dad is meanly sorrow about it and today is my mum’s birthday). I felt uncomfortable and left quick as I could to drive around finding a windscrean wiper. In the car I couldnt find a decent radiostation while an imaginary house dragon, Tobi kept hitting me with a bag, for fun.

I was hungry.
The day turned around. We resumed normality and en joyed a dinner wihtout cats. Now they are all afraid of Ernest the brave who apparenltly wqhile I was out played with Lili and one of the cats a game of dare. he came away with some scratches. I hope the cat wasnt scarred for life.

Playing with clay was fun too. we managed not to get too much clay ont he leather dining chairs. Jen made me admit I have no patience to fidget with stuff that requires precision and patience. Lili didnt seem to have much either.
So you must be wondering about the nazi invitations. first of all, we must be clear about one thing, most people usually are not aware of the views that they are advocate. An example for instance is the green left, a bunch of neomarxist here in hungary who are desperately organising people to donate to charity. Charity (and I dont mean to be cynical or negative or argh we are all doomed type but charity) is a capitalist instituion, one that maintains some social cohesion int he sytem so that starving and desparied masses will not behead the ruling class.

I play an online game, a hobby that has been growing on me for about a year and a half. Ususally i find one I like than I bore of it for the game is stiff, there is no room to have fun only to be mean and win or be diplomatic and loose. I found one a couple of months ago that seem quite spacous and free leaving people to organise themselves in whatever ways suits them. for the second time I run into people who seem to organise themselves in ways which excludes difference, territorial, uniformised, violent and brutal. This time I asked a guy a question why bother playing a game if all they do is recreating the very reality they escaping from? his answer was that actually if I stepped into line, followed orders and did what I was told I maybe could have some fun and it would be the way of building a better world. Very welcoming. I’m left a bit speachless.

But ont he bright side: we are going on a road trip in a couple of days.