Chapter 14, or something like that

Chapter 14, or something like that

I wrote an entry yesterday, not the first time not posting. Chapter 14? I like how it sounds between my teeth. And it is a long entry, all those that failed to be posted recently.
Follows a succession of complaints. A now increasingly obvious addiction to blogging slowly revealed in my mind. When things aren’t written down they look often miserable. And everything could look more picturesque should I find the usb cable for my camera.

The following is from April 7th

Recommencing now with hope to have come to the end of a spring that has inspired us to let it go largely unnoticed ( the spring). I hope we will not be having such distractions in the future. The last time I engaged in some other writing, a blog rather than a seemingly endless writing of essays and online debates was a day short of a month ago. Since…

Ernest has been imprisoned for a brief period of 2 nights. It’s a long story, I should have written it exploiting the emotional heights but I feared to do so.
It is a fear that probably similar in experience of moments when I cannot avoid engaging in ‘communication’ with holocaust denying anti-Semites. Although rationally thinking a foolish fear. It is a different emotional response. Its magnitude however is so great that I stop being accountable, or at least I feel such way, so I make actually a rational decisions to halt communication – with the crazies – and I made the same choice when not telling about the toddlers’ prison. Hospitals here can be
Another emotional moment and the subsequent event came when Liliom hit a car while cycling. Unbelievable luck that it was not the other way around.
In the morning Ernest stood at the table …
…At this point the writing finished until about April 20th

Last week Lili’s grandparents, Elisabeth and Gordon were visiting, from Scotland. They stayed for 10 days, it was a pleasant encounter. We don’t meet often, especially I. This post is not about their staying, I think I am maybe too self-centred now for that.

There was a small incident that describes well this entire year we have dedicated to our Hungarian ‘roots’.

The first weekend our visitors were in Hungary we all stayed at my mother’s house outside of Fot, nearby Budapest spending the days in the city. On Sunday the three of them, Lili, Gran and Gordo we took into town. They were going to take a ride on one of the sightseeing buses of Budapest. It’s a convenient way to have a drive by and description of most prominent touristic sites of the city. The plan was to drive them to the city park dropping off at the stop for the sight bus. The section of the park where the bus would have stopped was closed for traffic. We then drove around to another part of the park from where they could have gotten to the bus or take a subway fairly easily to another bus stop. On weekends the no parking signs on the side streets there are generally ignored for a lack of adequate parking and an obvious high demand. Not that day however, parking tickets were vigorously applied to anyone daring to leave the care unattended. We couldn’t stop there. So as an alternate plan to the alternate plan we had to drive back to the neighbourhood where the end of line subway station is from where they could go into the city centre to take the tour bus.
We spent the entire year like this. Plan, plan B, improvised alteration for plan B, improvised plan C…

I am looking forward to go home, so to speak. I have been talking of Oulu as home sort of half serious but I have come to realise that at the moment it seems home is rather there than here. For some time I have felt that the environment in which we enjoy our lives in Oulu is home. It is largely the people, similar semi-rootless bunch, the progressively inclined department at the uni, but also the way of life which until now, or at least the time a year ago has certainly bore the marks of a tolerant society where being different at worst brought a reaction of polite indifference.

For some years now I have been watching what has been happening to Hungary, the political consequences of the new order. The backlash; how it so eagerly as a society resettles into pitiful hatred, racism, anti-semitism. A path towards nationalist fascism seems to be the preferred response, protection against corporatist capitalism and a reshaping form of sovereignty. I thought it was still important to me somehow, ‘my people’ governing themselves into a form of madness that seemed incomprehensible to come again in Europe. I realised I watched this as an outsider, or rather, as a soap on tv; interesting moral dilemmas but little real significance. Witnessing the elections in Finland helped me to this realisation.
I felt touched, we both felt touched with grave concerns. Is this menace coming there too? Is it really possible? Of course one shouldn’t be surprised if reading the signs beforehand but our gasping for air caught us of guard.
The climate in Szeged, using the word to mark the weather patterns, is just ideal for someone who loves the continental European weather. The cyclic changes of the seasons, the modest, gradual changes are wonderful to experience as the months flow by.

Lili enjoyed being Hungarian for a while and perhaps this time has asserted, or to be more precise shaped a new part of her identity which she wasn’t there before. As a family we have learnt to rely on one and other more than ever, probably. Considering we haven’t managed to make much if any contacts otherwise with locals and outsiders here. I have enjoyed and still do spending time with the kids more than I ever had time for. I am looking forward to spend another year of the same from when we are back in Oulu, more so that we will have a familiar environment, familiar people. At least for me. Ernest and I will most certainly will miss the market. There is nothing that can possibly replace it.

A recent event is an example, I believe of the uncertain life that is probably every day for people who are accustomed to life here.

There is a case running for a minor offence against Liliom at the police. When the offence took place, the police informed us that there will be an investigation (because of the road traffic accident) but they haven’t bothered to tell that she would be charged with a minor offence. This offence is that she was not pushing her bike across the road but rode it. There was a green light for pedestrians which would have given her the right of way but because she was riding, she has lost it and it is therefore the car’s which was turning and almost run her down. Luckily she has run into the car at a slow speed and she wasn’t injured apart from a scratch and a scare.
…
It was an endless rent but also something else. A first attempt to summarise staying in Hungary. I realise that some of those who call this place home will find it disturbing, as already have had probably often, but I am never easy on the place where I reside and stay, the place that even if momentary is my home. And Hungary actually still happens to be one that I know in most detail. It isn’t personal. Although there may be a degree of frustration over inability to be acultured and content.

As it happens, I repeated the post from April just yesterday intending to post it but ending up not bothering. I will attach it here although it is the same message in a very similar structure and speech. But I think once out there, I can move on the stopping panicking, and getting on to the otherwise wonderful and challenging process of moving our lives now 2000kms north.
May 4th as follows:

I shall begin without promise of joyful happy pretty stories but perhaps still asserting I shall not engage in political blogging regardless of the now obvious unstoppable advance of European fascism.

We are going home in the middle of June – at long last - to a place that may have changed significantly since we have left it. Last time in Finland the university reforms have shown a sign of things to come, in the far future, and we still believed that while bigot conservatism lurks beneath the grass, of a direction where social cohesion is largely enforced rather than negotiated, we believed it was still far out. Recent elections have shown that fascism is on the rise in Finland and the near future registration of the Nazi party shows a rapidly changing sentiment. It used to be a state which prided itself on tolerance. By the time we get home this may not be the case anymore.

Still, perhaps in Finland we still have a fighting chance , making a stand before it’s too late. Here in Hungary, it feels even by the time we got here almost a year ago it was too late. The country now has a constitution that no longer recognises the equal worth of every individual in its political community and one that opens the doors to a constitutionally enforced (and often defined on racist terms) class society. Of course I know that the setting of new rules is always, as in the case of the Finish university reforms, merely an adjusting to the discourse, the sentiment and the practice that is already present and valid (in the sense that society largely functions along such values).

To remain non-political perhaps it is best to turn towards a brief assessment of this past year.

Weeks before we were due to depart from Oulu KELA broke the news to us that staying home with Ernest I will not be eligible the social benefits. I would have been should we have stayed in Finland instead of Hungary but Jen has been sent abroad as a student by a Finish organisation and not as an employee. We lost about 40% of income for this year with a stroke of a pen. Anyone in their right minds – now I think – would have called it off. We didn’t out of some real or perceived duty to grandparents, my parents here in Hungary. After a tight stay in Szeged now we are experiencing the difficulties to raise funds to make it home where we can start raising funds much easier (here we aren’t even allowed to take up employment without losing our Finnish social security).

It has been a most interesting year perhaps in many ways but also a most disappointing. Ernest perhaps the one who realises the least what he may have been losing. Of course, he has benefited from spending more time with my parents, at least with my mother, and hear a lot more Hungarian than he would have otherwise but he didn’t have anyone his own age to hang out with as I failed to make contact with local stay at home mothers. Liliom perhaps is the sole beneficiary of this excursion. She has enjoyed the school year here although Jen and I at times concerned should she spend any more time here she would grow up to have difficulties accepting difference even if spending years at the Waldorf-Steiner school. Jen stated today, she has just wasted a year. Professionally certainly, she has managed to learn barely anything here and as a family we have no longer the resources to fund another exchange studies to universities where they offer courses that are along her professional and personal interests. Returning to Oulu she will have to retake a bunch of courses that were inappropriate here one way or the other. We haven’t managed to make friends in Szeged, I have tried to rekindle old friendships but my developing anti-nationalist and neo-Marxist, slightly syndicalist manners have gotten in the way. Jen I think made fairly good friend with a fellow exchange student also from Oulu. I spent the last year with an amazing array of bureaucratic encounters that I eventually got bored of noting down, dodging conversations that were potentially racist, fascist or at least based arguments on a mix of pseudo-scientific origin myths that on a good day I laugh at on a bad one I bite my tongue. The last year talked openly to Jen only without being concerned of or outright offending people.

The hearing from Lili’s car crash has been today. We thought for some reason that it was going to be tomorrow so we missed it. It was a hearing of the two witnesses, the driver of the car and the person driving behind him. When I was at the police station couple of weeks ago I found out the case will not come to much. The traffic police started the process against Lili for braking some paragraph of traffic rules and crushing into a car causing some 60€ worth of damage. It will probably be a closed case since she is a minor and cannot be made legally responsible for her actions. Although they – the police – thought it was likely that the driver will not accept this and will claim damages on us. Never mind it was perhaps on a split of a second that it wasn’t Lili crashing into his car but his car crashing into a cycling 7 year old. In most other European countries I lived at before, this would be a case against the driver, or at least I want to believe that After all, the accident happened on a pedestrian crossing while the pedestrians had the green light and Lili was perfectly visible to the driver at all times, even before he started moving with his car (as previously he was standing at a red lamp). But this is the country where I spend running in circles, from office to office until I learn better that whatever the state does is perfectly logical and it is its subjects that are out of line.
I right now feel I will bless the day I eventually have packed up house and family. Shipping is on the way and kids are in the car. We are on the go. Maybe a roadtrip, a summer just the four of us, no huss and no fuss will help us to relax.

But honestly, we bought a car. It’s a nice car although good Hungarian paranoia tells me we were cheated somehow and trouble will strike us. It’s hard to believe that the previous owner may have been a mostly decent, honest person telling as everything to the best of his knowledge.

Ernest and I took the car to Szeged yesterday. The process to register it under my name will take a week or so for the car need to go under some examination of origin (making sure it wasn’t stolen or put together from a bunch of cars etc) and after that the insurance papers need to be changed and then the names on the car’s papers can be changed. Before initiating all these I hoped to get a monthly parking pass for the car as I am eligible as a resident in the inner town. I was told I can get that pass only once my names are on the papers and I should not kick up a fuss because it is really just a formality (at three different places which could take days at best). After reading the regulation issued by the City Council of Szeged I pointed out that none of the paragraphs administering resident based parking rights demand that the owner’s name has to be on the car’s papers, only that I either, as a resident have to own the car or have to have rights as permanent user of the car which I wish to park under my name . Since I have the contract of selling the car I have proven ownership of the car. Of course they asserted I was stupid and really just being difficult. I made an official complaint.

About three months ago I made an official complaint and a suggestion at the university library. I was kindly informed they are sorry for the inconvenience and were already working on sorting out the problem at the time of my complaint. Today I could make the same complaint for so far they have not managed to finish that process. Remember to know your place, subject as in ‘object of the authorities’.
But all is well. We have had a royal wedding watched by billions.
…
I fell now better although I suspect only few, if any have gotten to read the last lines of this post

17th February - On the Train

We have been sitting on the train for the last near two hours. Finally the heating is starting to kick in and it’s kicking real hard. I wonder if I should roast or turn it off than freeze. It’s only the three of us again. Jen is staying home to work on her thesis. In some ways she feels it’s a shame to lose out on hanging out with us in some other ways she was really looking forward to being able to not only sleep in but generally just sleep without Ernest jumping on her head from early dawn. When she told me about the possibility of just spreading out her papers on the table while working without having to quickly put them back in a folder after 45 minutes when we come home from the shops or Ernest wakes up I literally got a jealous rage (clearly we miss having a study).

Ernest fell asleep after the first half hour, considering his lack of sleep during the night he was due a nap. Lili is sitting in the luggage rack taking care of her own entertainment so I am pleased to sit here and enjoy typing away for no apparent reason or purpose. Just enjoying the typing.

I have been doing some thinking recently. Jen staying home because she has to work and we are away on our great adventure to visit my mother and spend a day with my father. She thinks it kind of sucks that she has to stay home – as I mentioned before. It’s kind of true. But nowadays as a stayathome parent I have a lot of time to stay at home – obviously not literally - and parent. I realise I must have been missing out before. Considering my previous bloggings for instance I came to see that this time it’s different. I often manage to write cute and fairly interesting stories yet this time around I have no need to call on the aids of imaginary friends of all sorts. Liliom and Ernest provides us with plenty of opportunity to tell interesting stories without adding much if anything. Perhaps the odd politically inclined or motivated metaphor, interpretation, call to arms. And encounters with the odd medical professional.

(and this was the point when Ernest got up)

January 21st

We had steak.

I’m glad I can write it down. I think, I feel no shame. Even if our dinner means another nail in the coffin of our lovely climate. It was worth it. I can’t remember the last time I have had such a piece of meat on my plate( I think we may have had some at Christmas 2 years ago), and I am sure it was a first for Ernest. I got some pretty good meat at my local butcher – well sort of local, the market is 5 minutes away but serves half the county. The price was a bit under a euro for every hundred grams. I shopped till around 700gs and I thought Jen and I will eat ourselves to death on beef tonight but my children surprised me. It was a delight watching them chewing and sucking away on small chunks of meet slowly, comfortably. They looked like eating just cooked meat is in their genes, carried from the times of prehistoric days (and odd concept, prehistoric).

A new hobby has taken off in the house as I find some help in putting away the laundry. I fold up the clothes and Ernest continuously shuttles them to Liliom who then puts them away or puts them into their right places when Ernest gets carried away and thinks he knows where to put them. And now you shall go aawh, that’s so cute! But remember one thing or two. Yes I do involve them around the house, in the house work in a playful way learning about living and all that stuff that is so nice. I also am teaching them about industrialised life, breaking up processes into small, mindlessly or more or less so manageable pieces where time is of the essence and efficiency is the key. Perhaps one considers me a pretty miserable person for having a Marxist analytical spin on hanging out with my kids. No comment.

I would like some feedback on an entirely political issue. This will be the eating of the pudding actually because i was receiving messages about these blogs but I sometimes wonder – here is the Hungarian trust none, especially not yourself logic – so I wonder if Jen asked you to do so therefore I can feel important and loved again because... let’s not go there.

So the question ir around the event on Wednesday in Strasbourg in the EU parliament, were you aware that Mr. Orban was there, do you know who is he and if yeses are for these two than what do you think of his reception? It was fascinating to watch if you ask me – here goes the stay at home parent, loaded with background tv time. Altough I didn’t understand most of it considering only now and again someone talked in a language I do.

We have moved in on 15th August 2010. At some point this week we finally got around to have a curtain. I feel very civilised now. But you know, we do have some awesome views so maybe this is the delay

I have mentioned about river cottage before, how it has become a family event in the evenings. The other day after dinner they were for some change quietly playing away in the other room when just out of curiosity I leaned in the door and in a calm, easy going tone said the apparently magic words ‘river cottage’... within thirty seconds they were sitting on the sofa, organised, ready to go, I mean watch. It’s a nice show to watch with them perhaps for there can be something in it for everyone and thus the perfect relaxing together as a family achieved. A friend once argued with me that there is some point to TV. I remember I was not accepting her point, we just got rid of our tv maybe a month before. Now I see that at times, in ways perhaps there is.

January 18th

So last night lengthily on the phone we discussed amongst other things the issue of developing gender apartheid. Have I ever said this is an apolitical blog? I started with mentioning the Guardian article which with Jen we were really happy to read. Finding out that stuff that we always been saying, knowing and finding bluntly obvious is also for others. We are not alone! Anyways he was shocked to hear how far a new genderistion has gone these last few years but of course I run into trouble here and there.

An interesting idea came to my mind though. We do have a perception of prehistoric life. A certain way of labour division, man – hunt, woman –gather which makes humans hunter-gatherers.

But we actually don’t have much records from that era? What if it wasn’t like that at all, what if the genderisation of society became an increasing reality in urbanised civilisations? After all how prehistoric life is being interpreted is rather telling. The findings are put together and guessed, speculated into a system to make sense but this system isn’t created by the prehistoric persons (as they are long gone) but some scientist in an incredibly fragmented, sexist and violent society. Naturally his interpretation will be seriously biased by his socio-cultural context.

I took Ernest to the dermatologist today. I probably should do this every other week. His skin has not been so pretty and healthy for a long, long time. The curse of Eczema and long waiting list I guess. So the doctor said that he just has some really beautiful but also very delicate skin which we need to take care of. Oh, really? But she didn’t really have much time for us, people are waiting outside! So doctor meeting a new patient for the first time ever about an incredibly complex skin condition judged a 3 minutes encounter is more than appropriate. I have no luck with doctors in Szeged. I bit my tongue. I may have mentioned before or maybe we were talking about it with Jen that Eczema is one of those condition that doesn’t really count as a ‘real’ medical condition. You kind of try to act and live as it didn’t even exist, just some minor thingy on the side, nothing important yet it requires constant everyday attention.

Newest development in our otherwise calm homelife is little inconsiderate hands grabbing after cups full of warm tea or coffee. I hope it soon will become boring.

I forgot all about the things that happaned to me yesterday. should have written them down yesterday...
I remember hanging out in and around town all morning with Ernest. watching tons of Caprica in the evening. Should I say the ending was predictible? hm, I guess it was pretty pre-determined.

biggest thing: we finally, after 6 months caugth up with washing only to discover that we don't have enough wardrobe space. there is sweet irony here.

Ernest's new hobby is climbing on the table. Our new nigthmare is Ernests' new hobby with Lili adding her horrific, forced, loud laughter which she now started doing again. It perhaps has something to do with school. she wasnt doing it during the holidays. There is stuff that she learns there. the significant ones from other kids. I think so far she has managed to avoid learning too much from the teacher for she doesn't ask 'what?' or something like that when she doesn't get something. At least children teach each other stuff.

In the afternoon we started working on a cut out fold in a thousand ways then glue and hold for an hour paper model (ok, I was exaguarating). managed to finish. Lili kind of got bored for the glue is just not quick enough but she perceviered. perhaps better than I have. Ernest wanted to help and for a good few minutes he managed to sit or better say riggle on my lap and pay attention to what we were doing.

We also went to the doctor to get the next set of vacination. It was a bit weired but nothing impossible to handle. If you remember, the last openly bitching blog entry... of course I am in a bit better shape now. The doctor was a bit more relaxed too actually.

so this is it. I find ways to procrastinate from needed academic readings...

Politically... same same as usual, kind of bored of it now.
Jen said that nick cleg is increasingly looking, talking, moving (and probably thining) like the big mand cameron himself. hm

13Dec

With Lili we got to school a whole ten minutes before eight. A first time ever so we had time to help other kids find their indoor shoes, playing sniffer dog.
Jen took her Hungarian exam. We are proud of her. It’s really courses on linguistics that are a bit stressful. They are rather mad actually. And I cannot truly concern myself with them. Brain gotten a bit sloppy this last few months. I tell nice little stories how Ernest and I played with monkey and treehouse man, having conversations and everything. It was kind of cool.

Morning was busy, at our local hygiene store, ‘boots’ equivalent I somehow was talked into getting a point collecting card. It’s still in my walet, scared to touch it.

I came up with brilliant present ideas although it is fortunate I haven’t managed to buy some of the stuff. Jen thinks I was about to get into serious insulting. Wouldn’t be the first.

Ernest’s lack of sleep during the nights and as a consequence my lack of sleep (as we are trying to let Jen sleep for she is the one with the exam season) have serious implications on our moods during the day resulting in grumpiness. This results in further grumping each other. I’m sure both Lili and Jen enjoyed the afternoon spent with us.

Well, dinner was good anyway and once the kids were in bed I sat down to read some papers. Local news – pension funds have been nationalized. It’s been voted on now. Irony is that I don’t necessarily have a problem with it so long as the money that otherwise would go to private funds (some 15 percent of all the pensions inpays) wasn’t needed to finance tax cuts that surprise; benefit the high earners. I don’t know how much news coverage about this place makes it to other places but I hope at least it is being witnessed how a somewhat democracy becomes a full blown dictatorship. Now that the pensions are sorted the parliament will begin ‘debate’ on the new media law. A construct that seasoned dictators and tyrants look at with envy, it will be voted on before xmass and start become practice 1st January. It’s been decided.

Before the kids went to bed Wallace and Gromit has caught the diamond thief (actually it was Gromit really). In this I take comfort or should I?

12Dec

Last night we have gone mainstream. We did what everyone else and went for a walk with the children after dinner. It was snowing you see and here in Szeged snow is something still unusual and unlikely to stay around till the morning. Which it didn’t so I congratulate to all of us around town for taking the kids out during the evening. We were smart. It was fun, Both Lili and Ernest were besides themselves with joy. And so was I actually. Ernest was pretty much a first timer though, so it was the excitement of the new for him while Lili, Jen and I probably just missed the stuff. Although it was nothing like building a snowcave but we are a long way from home. It’s ok.

Today was eventless, at least around the home. Jen and Lili went out for a ballet performance in the afternoon. Philosophy of bodies it was called and I hear it was good. Lili practically danced through the thing in her chair. Must have been a site.

With Ernest we (sure we?) decided to watch a documentary about pension funds investment policies and its consequences, the movie speaking mostly in German wit French subtitles. A generally good bashing on contemporary economic globalization. The pictures were amazing though and I still have managed to learn something new about the maintenance of US hegemony.

On Saturday I took the kids to the market which was fun, it always is and then we went for lunch at the vegetarian restaurant. Why is it that such places are always into Indian inspired spiritualism?

Two nights ago I read some recounts from protesters about their experiences on parliament square.
What I have to say about it is following this link.

Lili had a most amazing weekend with the first snow here, Christmas market, going out for lunch loving the food and going to a ballet for the first time of her life.
After all this she will tell the most hideous story from the weekend come Monday morning’s circle time at school.

10Dec

One thing I forgot to do today, or to be precise I haven’t forgotten but could be bothered waiting for the economics personnel to come back from her lunch and therefore failed to pay the school fees for December. I pay on Monday, if she is around and hope the school doesn’t bankrupt till then because of our missing payment (which may sound like a joke but…

It feels this week we are picking up a habit of tidying up before bed time, I’m spicing it with classical music, today’s was Mozart. Lili is learning to like it.

Tired now, again we had an early morning. Ernest wakes up and then he is pretty upset to be awake but it doesn’t occur to him that this curse can be healed rather simply. After dropping off Lili at school we took off to take care of some more business at the post office, 2 queues, one for the parcels and letters the other one is for paying bills, if you do both, you wait twice. Loving it.

Ernest slept while we went back to the dermatologists where a different receptionist wondered why did her colleague sent me on a grail quest. She told me I already given them all the data they need. Goodbye.

The flat people were out at the market today, I took some pictures. Chatted with some vendors and had a langos; deep fried flat bread, extremely nutritious and healthy snack for lunch. Ernest likes langos too baut at home he had some other food as well.

After picking up Lili from school we met Jen at the university library It seems we both had books to return. After coffee at home I left on yet another quest to find clay and wood glue. There is no clay in Szeged although Jen claims there is just around the corner so tomorrow she will take usthere. I found wood glue in the glue shop as there is one of those.

Dinner was bland but we started hungry so it didn’t matter. Lakc of sleep takes its tolls

09Dec

Have woken early, Ernest screamed us through the morning. It wasnt pleasent.
Reception duty at Lili's school, taking notes from a book. Ernest didnt come, Jen didnt call, i guess the pouring rain... we never talked it over.
Had two hours to go home hang with the young one and clean a bit. We both, Jen and I seem hectic.
At noon back to the school. It's messy today, the schedule is because I had to change parts of my afternoon for a morning slot. the janitor has had a great complaining to me about the school. I agree with most of the stuff he said, feel shitty, what can I say?
Reception duty is otherwise boring.

I changed parts of my afternoon so I can come to the doctor, dermatologist. I have had this appointment for 2 months now, finally it is the big day. Registering with the doctor is a pain though. Although I have my European health insurance card that apparently should automatically provide me with free health care in central europe, or maybe it is only a hungarian specialty this card (that I state again is otherwise designed to make matters easy) makes matters the more complicated. It seem that I have to bring in some papers from KELA, my KELA card and some more stuff, I have to bring a photocopy of them as well because they can't make copies here. In theory taking the info off the card should provide the evidence. Not in a society where the main focus of trust is that you shall not trust anything. painfull and the stress having to chase up these papers makes my eczema that much worst. I came to be treated for it though.

The pharmacy was much the same, nowdays I am patient, frustrated silently. I realized, perhaps thanks to close ties that people just don’t get it how frustrating over-bureaucratising life is. Instead I am advised to be like everyone else. I would fit in better. Trying to be polite instead. And cheerful. Sleep during the night would help.

Snowstorm is own, in the afternoon. We started the day with 14C plus and on the way home it’s cold wind and almost freezing temp. Not being dressed for it a small wonder I survive the 3 minutes cycle.

Home is a mess. The potatoes bake too slow so Jen skipps dinner. She had to go back to uni for a Hungarian class. She treats me to some of her homework assignment wants the kids are in bed but that is late in the evening. Before I have to get through putting the kids in bed. Sadly, I am falling asleep with a cup of tea while they are bringing the house down. eventually Ibring their moods down by demanding to help me tidy up.

Jen found her topic for bilingual homework assignment. It’s me.
Another day passed in Szeged.

08 December

I have scared myself away from posting any blog entries after something that could be considered as a breakdown... it was no fun. Wanting out.
When Starting to gather one's self, comes the family, parents being offended for putting demands on them such as 'stop putting demands on us!'

Maybe I should go for a different approach. Write days, simple straight forward. Seemingly at least.

The gas repair guy was running late so by the time he fixed the heater in the kids' room Ernest was up for a nap. We didn't get out before noon after that so most of our plans were scrapped. I enjoyed doing nothing, mostly nothing while he slept. Of course I could have dressed him amid a tuntrum and put him in the buggy to sleep there but since the old one got stolen he sleeps less on the go than he used to. Although we took the flattened people with us to the market LINK, we were so brief and quick that I actually forgot to take their pictures. At least there was some shopping done.

Practically ran to get Lili from school only to realise they were having late lunch. We waited. Ernest played with the stools until realising there were trays of sand for writing in. Waiting become miserable then.

We went home where I cooked a vegan carrot and ginger soup and later at dinner we realised it was good. Jen made us some coffee before we took off again on the bikes, bit early for Ballet but we wanted to go back to a shop we were at yesterday or the day before. An item we bought was faulty. The shopkeeper was friendly and helpful on our return. We didnt queue up for sweet bread freshly baked. Had to go.

Liliom was thrilled as we were there first. This has never happened before and about two minutes later when other children and parents started filing in she proudly announced them 'we have been here for ages'. While she nearly passed out of heat exhaustion for doors or windows are not allowed to be open I went on a shoe hunt without much success. the shopping centre was fun, captain Ernest standing at the front of the boat, sorry, trolley shouting...hm whatever he might have been shouting. Directions, insults perhaps?

The day before's leftovers and the ginger and carrot soup for a change Lili liked. After dinner Ernest insisted on a bath while I insisted the others tidy up while I help him to it. There was tears almost, fortunately Jen handled the request well, it was Lili who was a bit taken aback.

We watched glee and after the kids were in bed I spent, we spent some 250€ online. so it didnt feel so good but wasnt bad. It was a challenge to work
the german amazon site especially after i realised i put in the wrong address and had to track order and... it took me a while. In the mean time, and most of the day Jen has been trying, is trying and becoming desperate to find a task or topic for her assignment in bilingualism course. The original's requirement she doesnt suit. At times At some point I offered I will do it for her as I am a bilingual person and therefore can carry out the task but fortunately she declined which is cool because I dont fulfill other criterias such as being a student on the course or having indebt knowledge of the topic