The other day finishing dinner we were sitting at the table chitchatting. I think our usual conversation topics now increasingly are ones about packing, moving, journey, Oulu, etc. Ernest was still eating but with Lili we talked about the journey. She drew up the route on the table, the map of Poland and the Baltic states, the Baltic sea and Finland. All imaginary lines, and she presented the two alternative journeys, one driving through the Baltic states and the other taking the ferry from Gdansk, actually Gdynia to Helsinki. She was asking which way we go, she wanted to make sure we take the longer route, shorter ferry from Tallinn. I was happy to calm her anxiety because we are driving up to Tallinn. She however amazed me with the incredibly detailed knowledge of the European north-east. A was almost rendered speechless. Almost. But it’s me

Ernest quickly realised that drawing imaginary lines on the table and explaining something very important like ‘blabla tapatee dubiduh…’ will not only get my attention but fill me with pride and joy. And it did. In his case for a slightly different reason than Lili’s, naturally. Nevertheless they both made me joyful in an easy manner.

We run out of boxes. I will have to go on the hunt tomorrow morning again. I guess it happens. Jen fills them up quickly. But I finally managed to start chipping in, taking part in the great effort in ways other than making phone calls. I gather up stuff that need to go in boxes. I did our cloakroom (hah, we have one of those) and I started stripping parts of the kitchen. Ernest was standing on the step this morning doing dishes while I was also standing on the step sorting the glasses and cups cupboard. I must have not anticipated my clumsiness when it comes to breakables.

Wonderful how quickly the human mind can make a decision. I had the choice of trying to catch our last remaining wine glass before it reaches the sink, potentially smashing it up against the cupboard or letting it fall into the sink and smashing to bits there. I chose the former even in the full knowledge this was exactly the way my mum cut her hand rather seriously some 25 years ago. She also went for the catch. Our story didn’t end in the accident and emergency however but Ernest did have to take a break from doing dishes for the incredible amount of shattered glass (you wonder how a wine glass can break into a million splinters).

Small mental note; do not handle breakables above the heads of your children. Taking a break from doing dishes though resulted in tears. I wish my children retained their fondness of dishwashing in the years to come.

Hungary’s EU presidency finishes by the end of June. I was going to ask you to keep watching with a close eye. If you think they were… hm, hard to find a PC word here, so if they were somewhat dubious till now, once the lame light is on Warsaw you can wonder what politicians find themselves doing in Budapest. But. Recent public comments from our beloved Berluscone makes you wonder, why bother at all. I follow politics from four European countries and vaguely from a half a dozen others and honestly, the only place that so far does not make me cry is Scotland. The SNP – if my understanding is correct – managed to win an election through a positive assertion rather than going ugly like the rest of them. Scots also inserted a party into government with a majority in an electoral system that is designed to make such thing impossible. And it’s all about devolved government and self-determination. Make no mistake, I am not fun of this government (I usually rather critical of them all) but I certainly take a joyful break when looking at the relatively civilized manner with which politics is ‘done’ in Scotland (especially when compared with the rest of Europe). Wonder if one day we will return to claim a refuge there from the madness that slowly, actually at an increasing pace creeps up or actually advances on Europe.

I’ve read a status update recently from Glasgow, about not wanting to go shopping with the kids because of the wind. I thought ‘what?’ but quickly remembered, the west coast… hm. If a local complains about the wind there must be flying roofs and cars. And there almost were. Sitting in the 30 degrees heat, bagging for rain I wonder, politics is a thing and climate is another. For the time being

May 7th

Owning a car keeps one busy. Yesterday Ernest and I took it down the local autoclub to have it checked out and get some papers with which we can get some more papers to then get the papers. While waiting on the mechs to do their job we gone for a walk, after the playground we nipped into Szeged Plaza, by far the largest shopping mall in south-east hungary. around the size of Stockman downtown Oulu. We were thrown out of the sport shop, in fact not allowed in because I had a backpack and weren’t willing to give it up. Never mind that we were the only shoppers in the sportshop probably due to the early hour while there was a security guy and two other shop assistants on duty besides the cctv. regulations are regulations.

We spent the rest of the day with shopping. Ernest slept trough the market for which I was thankful, was not up for chasing him around there. We also spent the day in anticipation of the Scottish election results and following the news of the UK results somewhat, mostly the referendum.

We parked the car by the way, fairly early yesterday and haven’t bothered with it since so my opening statement isn’t so true for this last couple of days at least
Liliom has the habit of jumping of her bed far as she can onto a matrass and some giant inflatable coushin. Ernest copies her although he hasn’t gathered the courage to actually jump yet. Probably due to the relative weight of his head. He still gathers their duvets and pillows right next to the bed and after dutyfuly counting to three, as seen from Lili, he steps out of the bed onto the pile.

Last night we had some wine celebrating the Scottish election results. Although I am cautious to celebrate the SNP. The interesting development is there nevertheless. I believe if we cannot just yet do away with the state, at least government should be brought closer to people and the smaller a state is the easier this task can be. For me it’s about locus of control.

In the UK people generally voted down the idea of a more representative electoral system. The argument to support such decision that through a more proportional system (the current first pass the post is one of the least) there would be a greater chance for a ‘hung’ parliament and coalition governments that are unstable and yara yara.

The past four years the Scottish government was a minority government (which is an unimaginable notion in Westminster) yet this gov managed to now gain such an overwhelming swing of seats that the SNP controls more than half the seats in Hollyrood. This has happened in an electoral system which is practically designed to prevent it.

The arguments against changing the UK voting system are false as in Westminster there is an unstable coalition government contrary to the disproportionate electoral system and in Hollyrood there is a majority government contrary to a far more proportional system. Maybe voters voted the proposals down cause they annoyed with the Libdems, but surely; punish other, smaller parties?

Looking at the developing political culture in Scotland I came to realise that unlike most central europen countries Scotland will go on its separate way – prob in a couple more elections – once it’s ready, it has a tradition of a democratic process well developed. A culture of parliamentary politics.

I wonder if a political tradition is a reason for the no vote on the referendum now. A more proportionate representative system would get parties such as UKIP into Westminster in numbers. And look at Finland to see where does that get you. What if that seemingly idiotic no was a very well calculated no?

Naturally, I am critical of it nevertheless. Even bogyman nationalist must be confronted in a dialogue (ok, this is told by me who half the time runs away from such confrontations) but more importantly, here comes the Marxist, maintaining the status qou benefits the structure that is already in power; economic, or corporate fascist. They are only really a step away from hard liner nationalist and nationalist-fascist, besides, in the current system the electorate is also robed from choosing someone else. In such system many probably just opts to take the least worst, as the result of the referendum shows.

Tomorrow we should go to the zoo or something like that, take plenty pictures – if we find the camera – and have a photo blog entry. It takes a lot more composition to write photo on electoral systems

Ant the whole point mentioning the wine was that being drunk after the second glass I realised that I have dropped my thesis topic. Looking for a new one. Then Jen told me that she thinks I have dropped my topic quite some time ago and only my stubbornness kept me on it but she didn’t want to say, just in case now I don’t quite remember what.

Chapter 14, or something like that

Chapter 14, or something like that

I wrote an entry yesterday, not the first time not posting. Chapter 14? I like how it sounds between my teeth. And it is a long entry, all those that failed to be posted recently.
Follows a succession of complaints. A now increasingly obvious addiction to blogging slowly revealed in my mind. When things aren’t written down they look often miserable. And everything could look more picturesque should I find the usb cable for my camera.

The following is from April 7th

Recommencing now with hope to have come to the end of a spring that has inspired us to let it go largely unnoticed ( the spring). I hope we will not be having such distractions in the future. The last time I engaged in some other writing, a blog rather than a seemingly endless writing of essays and online debates was a day short of a month ago. Since…

Ernest has been imprisoned for a brief period of 2 nights. It’s a long story, I should have written it exploiting the emotional heights but I feared to do so.
It is a fear that probably similar in experience of moments when I cannot avoid engaging in ‘communication’ with holocaust denying anti-Semites. Although rationally thinking a foolish fear. It is a different emotional response. Its magnitude however is so great that I stop being accountable, or at least I feel such way, so I make actually a rational decisions to halt communication – with the crazies – and I made the same choice when not telling about the toddlers’ prison. Hospitals here can be
Another emotional moment and the subsequent event came when Liliom hit a car while cycling. Unbelievable luck that it was not the other way around.
In the morning Ernest stood at the table …
…At this point the writing finished until about April 20th

Last week Lili’s grandparents, Elisabeth and Gordon were visiting, from Scotland. They stayed for 10 days, it was a pleasant encounter. We don’t meet often, especially I. This post is not about their staying, I think I am maybe too self-centred now for that.

There was a small incident that describes well this entire year we have dedicated to our Hungarian ‘roots’.

The first weekend our visitors were in Hungary we all stayed at my mother’s house outside of Fot, nearby Budapest spending the days in the city. On Sunday the three of them, Lili, Gran and Gordo we took into town. They were going to take a ride on one of the sightseeing buses of Budapest. It’s a convenient way to have a drive by and description of most prominent touristic sites of the city. The plan was to drive them to the city park dropping off at the stop for the sight bus. The section of the park where the bus would have stopped was closed for traffic. We then drove around to another part of the park from where they could have gotten to the bus or take a subway fairly easily to another bus stop. On weekends the no parking signs on the side streets there are generally ignored for a lack of adequate parking and an obvious high demand. Not that day however, parking tickets were vigorously applied to anyone daring to leave the care unattended. We couldn’t stop there. So as an alternate plan to the alternate plan we had to drive back to the neighbourhood where the end of line subway station is from where they could go into the city centre to take the tour bus.
We spent the entire year like this. Plan, plan B, improvised alteration for plan B, improvised plan C…

I am looking forward to go home, so to speak. I have been talking of Oulu as home sort of half serious but I have come to realise that at the moment it seems home is rather there than here. For some time I have felt that the environment in which we enjoy our lives in Oulu is home. It is largely the people, similar semi-rootless bunch, the progressively inclined department at the uni, but also the way of life which until now, or at least the time a year ago has certainly bore the marks of a tolerant society where being different at worst brought a reaction of polite indifference.

For some years now I have been watching what has been happening to Hungary, the political consequences of the new order. The backlash; how it so eagerly as a society resettles into pitiful hatred, racism, anti-semitism. A path towards nationalist fascism seems to be the preferred response, protection against corporatist capitalism and a reshaping form of sovereignty. I thought it was still important to me somehow, ‘my people’ governing themselves into a form of madness that seemed incomprehensible to come again in Europe. I realised I watched this as an outsider, or rather, as a soap on tv; interesting moral dilemmas but little real significance. Witnessing the elections in Finland helped me to this realisation.
I felt touched, we both felt touched with grave concerns. Is this menace coming there too? Is it really possible? Of course one shouldn’t be surprised if reading the signs beforehand but our gasping for air caught us of guard.
The climate in Szeged, using the word to mark the weather patterns, is just ideal for someone who loves the continental European weather. The cyclic changes of the seasons, the modest, gradual changes are wonderful to experience as the months flow by.

Lili enjoyed being Hungarian for a while and perhaps this time has asserted, or to be more precise shaped a new part of her identity which she wasn’t there before. As a family we have learnt to rely on one and other more than ever, probably. Considering we haven’t managed to make much if any contacts otherwise with locals and outsiders here. I have enjoyed and still do spending time with the kids more than I ever had time for. I am looking forward to spend another year of the same from when we are back in Oulu, more so that we will have a familiar environment, familiar people. At least for me. Ernest and I will most certainly will miss the market. There is nothing that can possibly replace it.

A recent event is an example, I believe of the uncertain life that is probably every day for people who are accustomed to life here.

There is a case running for a minor offence against Liliom at the police. When the offence took place, the police informed us that there will be an investigation (because of the road traffic accident) but they haven’t bothered to tell that she would be charged with a minor offence. This offence is that she was not pushing her bike across the road but rode it. There was a green light for pedestrians which would have given her the right of way but because she was riding, she has lost it and it is therefore the car’s which was turning and almost run her down. Luckily she has run into the car at a slow speed and she wasn’t injured apart from a scratch and a scare.
…
It was an endless rent but also something else. A first attempt to summarise staying in Hungary. I realise that some of those who call this place home will find it disturbing, as already have had probably often, but I am never easy on the place where I reside and stay, the place that even if momentary is my home. And Hungary actually still happens to be one that I know in most detail. It isn’t personal. Although there may be a degree of frustration over inability to be acultured and content.

As it happens, I repeated the post from April just yesterday intending to post it but ending up not bothering. I will attach it here although it is the same message in a very similar structure and speech. But I think once out there, I can move on the stopping panicking, and getting on to the otherwise wonderful and challenging process of moving our lives now 2000kms north.
May 4th as follows:

I shall begin without promise of joyful happy pretty stories but perhaps still asserting I shall not engage in political blogging regardless of the now obvious unstoppable advance of European fascism.

We are going home in the middle of June – at long last - to a place that may have changed significantly since we have left it. Last time in Finland the university reforms have shown a sign of things to come, in the far future, and we still believed that while bigot conservatism lurks beneath the grass, of a direction where social cohesion is largely enforced rather than negotiated, we believed it was still far out. Recent elections have shown that fascism is on the rise in Finland and the near future registration of the Nazi party shows a rapidly changing sentiment. It used to be a state which prided itself on tolerance. By the time we get home this may not be the case anymore.

Still, perhaps in Finland we still have a fighting chance , making a stand before it’s too late. Here in Hungary, it feels even by the time we got here almost a year ago it was too late. The country now has a constitution that no longer recognises the equal worth of every individual in its political community and one that opens the doors to a constitutionally enforced (and often defined on racist terms) class society. Of course I know that the setting of new rules is always, as in the case of the Finish university reforms, merely an adjusting to the discourse, the sentiment and the practice that is already present and valid (in the sense that society largely functions along such values).

To remain non-political perhaps it is best to turn towards a brief assessment of this past year.

Weeks before we were due to depart from Oulu KELA broke the news to us that staying home with Ernest I will not be eligible the social benefits. I would have been should we have stayed in Finland instead of Hungary but Jen has been sent abroad as a student by a Finish organisation and not as an employee. We lost about 40% of income for this year with a stroke of a pen. Anyone in their right minds – now I think – would have called it off. We didn’t out of some real or perceived duty to grandparents, my parents here in Hungary. After a tight stay in Szeged now we are experiencing the difficulties to raise funds to make it home where we can start raising funds much easier (here we aren’t even allowed to take up employment without losing our Finnish social security).

It has been a most interesting year perhaps in many ways but also a most disappointing. Ernest perhaps the one who realises the least what he may have been losing. Of course, he has benefited from spending more time with my parents, at least with my mother, and hear a lot more Hungarian than he would have otherwise but he didn’t have anyone his own age to hang out with as I failed to make contact with local stay at home mothers. Liliom perhaps is the sole beneficiary of this excursion. She has enjoyed the school year here although Jen and I at times concerned should she spend any more time here she would grow up to have difficulties accepting difference even if spending years at the Waldorf-Steiner school. Jen stated today, she has just wasted a year. Professionally certainly, she has managed to learn barely anything here and as a family we have no longer the resources to fund another exchange studies to universities where they offer courses that are along her professional and personal interests. Returning to Oulu she will have to retake a bunch of courses that were inappropriate here one way or the other. We haven’t managed to make friends in Szeged, I have tried to rekindle old friendships but my developing anti-nationalist and neo-Marxist, slightly syndicalist manners have gotten in the way. Jen I think made fairly good friend with a fellow exchange student also from Oulu. I spent the last year with an amazing array of bureaucratic encounters that I eventually got bored of noting down, dodging conversations that were potentially racist, fascist or at least based arguments on a mix of pseudo-scientific origin myths that on a good day I laugh at on a bad one I bite my tongue. The last year talked openly to Jen only without being concerned of or outright offending people.

The hearing from Lili’s car crash has been today. We thought for some reason that it was going to be tomorrow so we missed it. It was a hearing of the two witnesses, the driver of the car and the person driving behind him. When I was at the police station couple of weeks ago I found out the case will not come to much. The traffic police started the process against Lili for braking some paragraph of traffic rules and crushing into a car causing some 60€ worth of damage. It will probably be a closed case since she is a minor and cannot be made legally responsible for her actions. Although they – the police – thought it was likely that the driver will not accept this and will claim damages on us. Never mind it was perhaps on a split of a second that it wasn’t Lili crashing into his car but his car crashing into a cycling 7 year old. In most other European countries I lived at before, this would be a case against the driver, or at least I want to believe that After all, the accident happened on a pedestrian crossing while the pedestrians had the green light and Lili was perfectly visible to the driver at all times, even before he started moving with his car (as previously he was standing at a red lamp). But this is the country where I spend running in circles, from office to office until I learn better that whatever the state does is perfectly logical and it is its subjects that are out of line.
I right now feel I will bless the day I eventually have packed up house and family. Shipping is on the way and kids are in the car. We are on the go. Maybe a roadtrip, a summer just the four of us, no huss and no fuss will help us to relax.

But honestly, we bought a car. It’s a nice car although good Hungarian paranoia tells me we were cheated somehow and trouble will strike us. It’s hard to believe that the previous owner may have been a mostly decent, honest person telling as everything to the best of his knowledge.

Ernest and I took the car to Szeged yesterday. The process to register it under my name will take a week or so for the car need to go under some examination of origin (making sure it wasn’t stolen or put together from a bunch of cars etc) and after that the insurance papers need to be changed and then the names on the car’s papers can be changed. Before initiating all these I hoped to get a monthly parking pass for the car as I am eligible as a resident in the inner town. I was told I can get that pass only once my names are on the papers and I should not kick up a fuss because it is really just a formality (at three different places which could take days at best). After reading the regulation issued by the City Council of Szeged I pointed out that none of the paragraphs administering resident based parking rights demand that the owner’s name has to be on the car’s papers, only that I either, as a resident have to own the car or have to have rights as permanent user of the car which I wish to park under my name . Since I have the contract of selling the car I have proven ownership of the car. Of course they asserted I was stupid and really just being difficult. I made an official complaint.

About three months ago I made an official complaint and a suggestion at the university library. I was kindly informed they are sorry for the inconvenience and were already working on sorting out the problem at the time of my complaint. Today I could make the same complaint for so far they have not managed to finish that process. Remember to know your place, subject as in ‘object of the authorities’.
But all is well. We have had a royal wedding watched by billions.
…
I fell now better although I suspect only few, if any have gotten to read the last lines of this post

15th March

This afternoon once again I had the opportunity to watch someone drifting out of consciousness. Although if I am honest I of course have to admit that he wasn’t exactly drifting out only but also drifting into another one, into dream world. And it was a real pleasure to watch. I think in many routine, daily rituals I have forgotten to appreciate their beauty and use the occasion to move on, do something else while… but every now and again it is nice to anchor back to the reality of that other person.

Ernest used to go to sleep on his own, even for day naps. He now proudly walks off to bed in the evenings and changes his mind only once or twice banging on the door. Day-aps at home are different. Once he gets really tired he would prefer to lie down on my lap, his legs tucked under my arms, his head balanced between my knees not quite rolling of either side, not quite hanging down but not resting particularly stable either. He used to be more relaxed about the posture but his recent experience with the Hungarian Health Care system (HNHS) made him a bit more fixated on these details. He would fall asleep like this while I read the papers (this would be news portals on the net), read some other article on the computer or perhaps play a game.

I watched him drift away to dream world today. Perhaps recent experience called me to pay more attention, don’t know, it could also be a case of Jen using the computer and I couldn’t be bothered to reach for a book.

In the morning, we were still in bed, just resting, relaxing, contemplating if we should get out of bed at all. It was the last morning before Lili is coming home, school starts and everything is back to normal. Ernest have been up for some time. He was hungry so I have provided him with some snacks. He kept bashing bread into our faces demanding we share his food. Eventually he got it, we weren’t hungry and it pissed him off so much he threw the whole thing in the corner. Than he sat down and pulled his socks off with a face ‘you called for this!’

He knows we prefer him to have socks on, it’s a bit cold for the feet otherwise. So he wanted to hurt us by removing them. But he is a very organised and decent rebel because after taking his sock off he carefully put them back in his clothes cupboard making sure they are easy to find for later use (once they feet will start getting cold).

But I was going to write about the big pompous celebration today. Some 150something years ago there was some kind of a revolution – there have been a whole bunch of them around Europe that year – which in Hungary turned to be longer war. The canon says it’s an independence war but I consider it more a civil war. (of course my perception is not that of the nation state, after all I look at WW1 as primarily not in inter-state but an intra-state war, a civil war as well between different classes within given societies)

It’s a big thing! People walk about with the tricolour pinned to their chest all day, some even does it for days before. I have quit doing it 16 years ago, my motivation wasn’t that of the conformist ‘don’t get into politics’.

But it’s a big day, even the prime minister has given a speech, and they say he really pulled out all the stop. Apparently he told the European commission to go and f#”k themselves, although he may have used slightly different wording. I bet you he enjoys all the pompous nonsense. He believes in some crazy stuff, they have a lot to share with Cameron. I couldn’t decide which one of them I would prefer. Probable neither.

Lili asked me today what do people celebrate. I had difficulties answering. It’s a ritual of the state to craft and make-believe an imagined community in order to get people to do things in the name of and for this imagined community that otherwise they wouldn’t do in their right mind. She claimed she understood. We went to the park then.

Yesterday, when I saw the communist party gathering on the square I wanted to ask them how can they match communism with displays of nationalism. It’s a question that could have been asked of those regimes this party is a remnant of. But I didn’t ask.

13Dec

With Lili we got to school a whole ten minutes before eight. A first time ever so we had time to help other kids find their indoor shoes, playing sniffer dog.
Jen took her Hungarian exam. We are proud of her. It’s really courses on linguistics that are a bit stressful. They are rather mad actually. And I cannot truly concern myself with them. Brain gotten a bit sloppy this last few months. I tell nice little stories how Ernest and I played with monkey and treehouse man, having conversations and everything. It was kind of cool.

Morning was busy, at our local hygiene store, ‘boots’ equivalent I somehow was talked into getting a point collecting card. It’s still in my walet, scared to touch it.

I came up with brilliant present ideas although it is fortunate I haven’t managed to buy some of the stuff. Jen thinks I was about to get into serious insulting. Wouldn’t be the first.

Ernest’s lack of sleep during the nights and as a consequence my lack of sleep (as we are trying to let Jen sleep for she is the one with the exam season) have serious implications on our moods during the day resulting in grumpiness. This results in further grumping each other. I’m sure both Lili and Jen enjoyed the afternoon spent with us.

Well, dinner was good anyway and once the kids were in bed I sat down to read some papers. Local news – pension funds have been nationalized. It’s been voted on now. Irony is that I don’t necessarily have a problem with it so long as the money that otherwise would go to private funds (some 15 percent of all the pensions inpays) wasn’t needed to finance tax cuts that surprise; benefit the high earners. I don’t know how much news coverage about this place makes it to other places but I hope at least it is being witnessed how a somewhat democracy becomes a full blown dictatorship. Now that the pensions are sorted the parliament will begin ‘debate’ on the new media law. A construct that seasoned dictators and tyrants look at with envy, it will be voted on before xmass and start become practice 1st January. It’s been decided.

Before the kids went to bed Wallace and Gromit has caught the diamond thief (actually it was Gromit really). In this I take comfort or should I?