I spend my days with my youngest child, pretty much all day everyday. This afternoon when in the bathroom he scribbled a drawing than announced ‘It’s a cat’, in toddler’s talk and repeated it a couple of times. I missed his first drawing! I wonder if I should be gutted or it may be shouldn’t bother and it’s just one of those stereotypical stay at home parenting things. Don’t know, don’t really know what a stereotypical stay at home parent would look like actually.
Irony is that when I arrived to wonder in amusement of his drawing, some 31 seconds later, pointing at it and asking ‘is this a cat?’ in excitement he just looked at me as if i lost it. ‘what cat? It’s just scribble.’ although he appreciated my excitement.
We had to have a talk with Liliom this afternoon: In school they were experimenting with the primary colours mixing them a bit. As everything in her school it came with a nice story that was pleasant to listen to when she retold it. However it was once again painful to realise that she thinks this school of hers has no connection to her other life, that the attempt to build a well functioning community of learners with her was so successful that she forgets to check it against other aspects of her life. She told me ‘she never mixed these colours before’ and I actually answered ‘bullshit!’
When it comes to painting session Jen and I are at times painstakingly fixated on these three most basic of colours as a starting point. And we eagerly share our views with Lili, needless to say.
But she received some payback later in the afternoon. At ballet they are learning some dance for the big end of term show ad her regular partner was off today. This wasn’t the pay back but as I found out at home, her partner for the session. Apparently they couldn’t work together and Lili spent the way home complaining and ranting about her. In some twisted sense it was entertaining, and cute. Of course at some pint I had to start being the good and sensible parent and try to help her resolve her inner rage in a constructive and creative manner.
The last ever episode of SGU has aired last night. After we’ve seen it Jen couldn’t stop swearing it was so rubbish. I was gonna say I bet she still going on about that in her had but she just told me ‘sizzle frazzle frizzle’. Late night studies do things to you
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Sunday, 8 May 2011
May 8th
No photo blog. Didnt go to the zoo today. I must have lost my touch of Scottishness: The all day rain bothered me, didn’t like the ida of spending too much time outside. So we were at home, the highlight of the day was probably a pillow fight then a fry up for lunch and an afternoon snooze. Liliom was bored beyond measures. She seems to have forgotten how to think.
In the evening I had a go at her which turned into talking about leaving. She is sad to leave for leaving her friends here behind. There were tears, in numbers. Jens asked her if she was scared of something going back to Finland to which Lili answered in the most matter of fact take no nonsense voice ‘what should I be afraid of?’ kind of are you mad tone in her voice.
We do have to make sure we are better at keeping touch this time around with friends here, at least her friends. Unlike with the ones in Oulu, although we knew we were coming back there. We know at most we will come to Szeged for visits. Altough I must have reminded her that while I spent the first 20 years of my life living in the same flat going to a total of 2 diferent schools and a daycare for 12 years hanging out with the same 2 sets of people through these institutions and another set through my parents’ friends, with not one I keep in touch today and call my friend. So potentially there is a possibility that moving about leaving people behind is not that big of a deal.
However, we did realise this morning that while w ehave planned to regularly skype back to Oulu, we never really did and it was really stupid. Oh well
Another small matter , the car. I mentioned when buyin a car here 3 things one needs to do;
a, get a mechanical check to make sure it is the car that is says on the papers
b, get an insurance for the car under the name of the new owner
c, go to the local gov. administration office to change the owner’s name on the car’s papers.
Logic says that one should do a, c, b,
At a, in person and at c, on the website plus various help you get trhought this websites say to do a, b, c,
The car insurance people tell you to do a, c, b,
Suggestions?
It’s interesting that in real life pillow fights rarely ever happens that the pillows burst and there is feather everywhere.
In the evening I had a go at her which turned into talking about leaving. She is sad to leave for leaving her friends here behind. There were tears, in numbers. Jens asked her if she was scared of something going back to Finland to which Lili answered in the most matter of fact take no nonsense voice ‘what should I be afraid of?’ kind of are you mad tone in her voice.
We do have to make sure we are better at keeping touch this time around with friends here, at least her friends. Unlike with the ones in Oulu, although we knew we were coming back there. We know at most we will come to Szeged for visits. Altough I must have reminded her that while I spent the first 20 years of my life living in the same flat going to a total of 2 diferent schools and a daycare for 12 years hanging out with the same 2 sets of people through these institutions and another set through my parents’ friends, with not one I keep in touch today and call my friend. So potentially there is a possibility that moving about leaving people behind is not that big of a deal.
However, we did realise this morning that while w ehave planned to regularly skype back to Oulu, we never really did and it was really stupid. Oh well
Another small matter , the car. I mentioned when buyin a car here 3 things one needs to do;
a, get a mechanical check to make sure it is the car that is says on the papers
b, get an insurance for the car under the name of the new owner
c, go to the local gov. administration office to change the owner’s name on the car’s papers.
Logic says that one should do a, c, b,
At a, in person and at c, on the website plus various help you get trhought this websites say to do a, b, c,
The car insurance people tell you to do a, c, b,
Suggestions?
It’s interesting that in real life pillow fights rarely ever happens that the pillows burst and there is feather everywhere.
Saturday, 7 May 2011
May 7th
Owning a car keeps one busy. Yesterday Ernest and I took it down the local autoclub to have it checked out and get some papers with which we can get some more papers to then get the papers. While waiting on the mechs to do their job we gone for a walk, after the playground we nipped into Szeged Plaza, by far the largest shopping mall in south-east hungary. around the size of Stockman downtown Oulu. We were thrown out of the sport shop, in fact not allowed in because I had a backpack and weren’t willing to give it up. Never mind that we were the only shoppers in the sportshop probably due to the early hour while there was a security guy and two other shop assistants on duty besides the cctv. regulations are regulations.
We spent the rest of the day with shopping. Ernest slept trough the market for which I was thankful, was not up for chasing him around there. We also spent the day in anticipation of the Scottish election results and following the news of the UK results somewhat, mostly the referendum.
We parked the car by the way, fairly early yesterday and haven’t bothered with it since so my opening statement isn’t so true for this last couple of days at least
Liliom has the habit of jumping of her bed far as she can onto a matrass and some giant inflatable coushin. Ernest copies her although he hasn’t gathered the courage to actually jump yet. Probably due to the relative weight of his head. He still gathers their duvets and pillows right next to the bed and after dutyfuly counting to three, as seen from Lili, he steps out of the bed onto the pile.
Last night we had some wine celebrating the Scottish election results. Although I am cautious to celebrate the SNP. The interesting development is there nevertheless. I believe if we cannot just yet do away with the state, at least government should be brought closer to people and the smaller a state is the easier this task can be. For me it’s about locus of control.
In the UK people generally voted down the idea of a more representative electoral system. The argument to support such decision that through a more proportional system (the current first pass the post is one of the least) there would be a greater chance for a ‘hung’ parliament and coalition governments that are unstable and yara yara.
The past four years the Scottish government was a minority government (which is an unimaginable notion in Westminster) yet this gov managed to now gain such an overwhelming swing of seats that the SNP controls more than half the seats in Hollyrood. This has happened in an electoral system which is practically designed to prevent it.
The arguments against changing the UK voting system are false as in Westminster there is an unstable coalition government contrary to the disproportionate electoral system and in Hollyrood there is a majority government contrary to a far more proportional system. Maybe voters voted the proposals down cause they annoyed with the Libdems, but surely; punish other, smaller parties?
Looking at the developing political culture in Scotland I came to realise that unlike most central europen countries Scotland will go on its separate way – prob in a couple more elections – once it’s ready, it has a tradition of a democratic process well developed. A culture of parliamentary politics.
I wonder if a political tradition is a reason for the no vote on the referendum now. A more proportionate representative system would get parties such as UKIP into Westminster in numbers. And look at Finland to see where does that get you. What if that seemingly idiotic no was a very well calculated no?
Naturally, I am critical of it nevertheless. Even bogyman nationalist must be confronted in a dialogue (ok, this is told by me who half the time runs away from such confrontations) but more importantly, here comes the Marxist, maintaining the status qou benefits the structure that is already in power; economic, or corporate fascist. They are only really a step away from hard liner nationalist and nationalist-fascist, besides, in the current system the electorate is also robed from choosing someone else. In such system many probably just opts to take the least worst, as the result of the referendum shows.
Tomorrow we should go to the zoo or something like that, take plenty pictures – if we find the camera – and have a photo blog entry. It takes a lot more composition to write photo on electoral systems
Ant the whole point mentioning the wine was that being drunk after the second glass I realised that I have dropped my thesis topic. Looking for a new one. Then Jen told me that she thinks I have dropped my topic quite some time ago and only my stubbornness kept me on it but she didn’t want to say, just in case now I don’t quite remember what.
We spent the rest of the day with shopping. Ernest slept trough the market for which I was thankful, was not up for chasing him around there. We also spent the day in anticipation of the Scottish election results and following the news of the UK results somewhat, mostly the referendum.
We parked the car by the way, fairly early yesterday and haven’t bothered with it since so my opening statement isn’t so true for this last couple of days at least
Liliom has the habit of jumping of her bed far as she can onto a matrass and some giant inflatable coushin. Ernest copies her although he hasn’t gathered the courage to actually jump yet. Probably due to the relative weight of his head. He still gathers their duvets and pillows right next to the bed and after dutyfuly counting to three, as seen from Lili, he steps out of the bed onto the pile.
Last night we had some wine celebrating the Scottish election results. Although I am cautious to celebrate the SNP. The interesting development is there nevertheless. I believe if we cannot just yet do away with the state, at least government should be brought closer to people and the smaller a state is the easier this task can be. For me it’s about locus of control.
In the UK people generally voted down the idea of a more representative electoral system. The argument to support such decision that through a more proportional system (the current first pass the post is one of the least) there would be a greater chance for a ‘hung’ parliament and coalition governments that are unstable and yara yara.
The past four years the Scottish government was a minority government (which is an unimaginable notion in Westminster) yet this gov managed to now gain such an overwhelming swing of seats that the SNP controls more than half the seats in Hollyrood. This has happened in an electoral system which is practically designed to prevent it.
The arguments against changing the UK voting system are false as in Westminster there is an unstable coalition government contrary to the disproportionate electoral system and in Hollyrood there is a majority government contrary to a far more proportional system. Maybe voters voted the proposals down cause they annoyed with the Libdems, but surely; punish other, smaller parties?
Looking at the developing political culture in Scotland I came to realise that unlike most central europen countries Scotland will go on its separate way – prob in a couple more elections – once it’s ready, it has a tradition of a democratic process well developed. A culture of parliamentary politics.
I wonder if a political tradition is a reason for the no vote on the referendum now. A more proportionate representative system would get parties such as UKIP into Westminster in numbers. And look at Finland to see where does that get you. What if that seemingly idiotic no was a very well calculated no?
Naturally, I am critical of it nevertheless. Even bogyman nationalist must be confronted in a dialogue (ok, this is told by me who half the time runs away from such confrontations) but more importantly, here comes the Marxist, maintaining the status qou benefits the structure that is already in power; economic, or corporate fascist. They are only really a step away from hard liner nationalist and nationalist-fascist, besides, in the current system the electorate is also robed from choosing someone else. In such system many probably just opts to take the least worst, as the result of the referendum shows.
Tomorrow we should go to the zoo or something like that, take plenty pictures – if we find the camera – and have a photo blog entry. It takes a lot more composition to write photo on electoral systems
Ant the whole point mentioning the wine was that being drunk after the second glass I realised that I have dropped my thesis topic. Looking for a new one. Then Jen told me that she thinks I have dropped my topic quite some time ago and only my stubbornness kept me on it but she didn’t want to say, just in case now I don’t quite remember what.
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
15th March
This afternoon once again I had the opportunity to watch someone drifting out of consciousness. Although if I am honest I of course have to admit that he wasn’t exactly drifting out only but also drifting into another one, into dream world. And it was a real pleasure to watch. I think in many routine, daily rituals I have forgotten to appreciate their beauty and use the occasion to move on, do something else while… but every now and again it is nice to anchor back to the reality of that other person.
Ernest used to go to sleep on his own, even for day naps. He now proudly walks off to bed in the evenings and changes his mind only once or twice banging on the door. Day-aps at home are different. Once he gets really tired he would prefer to lie down on my lap, his legs tucked under my arms, his head balanced between my knees not quite rolling of either side, not quite hanging down but not resting particularly stable either. He used to be more relaxed about the posture but his recent experience with the Hungarian Health Care system (HNHS) made him a bit more fixated on these details. He would fall asleep like this while I read the papers (this would be news portals on the net), read some other article on the computer or perhaps play a game.
I watched him drift away to dream world today. Perhaps recent experience called me to pay more attention, don’t know, it could also be a case of Jen using the computer and I couldn’t be bothered to reach for a book.
In the morning, we were still in bed, just resting, relaxing, contemplating if we should get out of bed at all. It was the last morning before Lili is coming home, school starts and everything is back to normal. Ernest have been up for some time. He was hungry so I have provided him with some snacks. He kept bashing bread into our faces demanding we share his food. Eventually he got it, we weren’t hungry and it pissed him off so much he threw the whole thing in the corner. Than he sat down and pulled his socks off with a face ‘you called for this!’
He knows we prefer him to have socks on, it’s a bit cold for the feet otherwise. So he wanted to hurt us by removing them. But he is a very organised and decent rebel because after taking his sock off he carefully put them back in his clothes cupboard making sure they are easy to find for later use (once they feet will start getting cold).
But I was going to write about the big pompous celebration today. Some 150something years ago there was some kind of a revolution – there have been a whole bunch of them around Europe that year – which in Hungary turned to be longer war. The canon says it’s an independence war but I consider it more a civil war. (of course my perception is not that of the nation state, after all I look at WW1 as primarily not in inter-state but an intra-state war, a civil war as well between different classes within given societies)
It’s a big thing! People walk about with the tricolour pinned to their chest all day, some even does it for days before. I have quit doing it 16 years ago, my motivation wasn’t that of the conformist ‘don’t get into politics’.
But it’s a big day, even the prime minister has given a speech, and they say he really pulled out all the stop. Apparently he told the European commission to go and f#”k themselves, although he may have used slightly different wording. I bet you he enjoys all the pompous nonsense. He believes in some crazy stuff, they have a lot to share with Cameron. I couldn’t decide which one of them I would prefer. Probable neither.
Lili asked me today what do people celebrate. I had difficulties answering. It’s a ritual of the state to craft and make-believe an imagined community in order to get people to do things in the name of and for this imagined community that otherwise they wouldn’t do in their right mind. She claimed she understood. We went to the park then.
Yesterday, when I saw the communist party gathering on the square I wanted to ask them how can they match communism with displays of nationalism. It’s a question that could have been asked of those regimes this party is a remnant of. But I didn’t ask.
Ernest used to go to sleep on his own, even for day naps. He now proudly walks off to bed in the evenings and changes his mind only once or twice banging on the door. Day-aps at home are different. Once he gets really tired he would prefer to lie down on my lap, his legs tucked under my arms, his head balanced between my knees not quite rolling of either side, not quite hanging down but not resting particularly stable either. He used to be more relaxed about the posture but his recent experience with the Hungarian Health Care system (HNHS) made him a bit more fixated on these details. He would fall asleep like this while I read the papers (this would be news portals on the net), read some other article on the computer or perhaps play a game.
I watched him drift away to dream world today. Perhaps recent experience called me to pay more attention, don’t know, it could also be a case of Jen using the computer and I couldn’t be bothered to reach for a book.
In the morning, we were still in bed, just resting, relaxing, contemplating if we should get out of bed at all. It was the last morning before Lili is coming home, school starts and everything is back to normal. Ernest have been up for some time. He was hungry so I have provided him with some snacks. He kept bashing bread into our faces demanding we share his food. Eventually he got it, we weren’t hungry and it pissed him off so much he threw the whole thing in the corner. Than he sat down and pulled his socks off with a face ‘you called for this!’
He knows we prefer him to have socks on, it’s a bit cold for the feet otherwise. So he wanted to hurt us by removing them. But he is a very organised and decent rebel because after taking his sock off he carefully put them back in his clothes cupboard making sure they are easy to find for later use (once they feet will start getting cold).
But I was going to write about the big pompous celebration today. Some 150something years ago there was some kind of a revolution – there have been a whole bunch of them around Europe that year – which in Hungary turned to be longer war. The canon says it’s an independence war but I consider it more a civil war. (of course my perception is not that of the nation state, after all I look at WW1 as primarily not in inter-state but an intra-state war, a civil war as well between different classes within given societies)
It’s a big thing! People walk about with the tricolour pinned to their chest all day, some even does it for days before. I have quit doing it 16 years ago, my motivation wasn’t that of the conformist ‘don’t get into politics’.
But it’s a big day, even the prime minister has given a speech, and they say he really pulled out all the stop. Apparently he told the European commission to go and f#”k themselves, although he may have used slightly different wording. I bet you he enjoys all the pompous nonsense. He believes in some crazy stuff, they have a lot to share with Cameron. I couldn’t decide which one of them I would prefer. Probable neither.
Lili asked me today what do people celebrate. I had difficulties answering. It’s a ritual of the state to craft and make-believe an imagined community in order to get people to do things in the name of and for this imagined community that otherwise they wouldn’t do in their right mind. She claimed she understood. We went to the park then.
Yesterday, when I saw the communist party gathering on the square I wanted to ask them how can they match communism with displays of nationalism. It’s a question that could have been asked of those regimes this party is a remnant of. But I didn’t ask.
Sunday, 6 February 2011
February 5th - a late posting
Yesterday I was going to tell about our Library visit but it wasn’t coming together, I forgot the core of my saying, or at least the aspect that would have provided some moral message (alas politics).
Once posting and putting away the computer it came to me and sitting in the library today I had to work hard to keep on task rather than chattering away on my blog. It was an especially gruesome task as my essay topic is anything but fun. And don’t get me wrong here. Although I do stress out about essay and always, always think that I haven’t researched enough and my notes are nowhere near organised enough (which usually is true) and I believe that i haven’t enough reference (way off, I scare people with the amount of referencing I can do). It is a productive stress mostly and I enjoy writing academically too so the reason I end up moaning about an essay topic is nothing like the usual student whining where one is constantly in an end of the world mood when ask to produce evidence of cognitive process. It is simply that writing about what may have gone wrong in a process to result in genocide is simply a shit topic.
So I managed and as I was deprived coffee, the library was in preparation for a charity ball so facilities of codeine dispersal were non-functioning, I am sitting in a cafe now before returning home. It’s a bit of a wind down, although my brain was fried and needed some buffer before Ernest.
Here is the chance than, which also functioned as a ‘carrot’. The library experience.
Actually now I am starting to be concerned there may have been way to much raising tension and expectation before... ops.
Usually we go to the library as a morning activity with Ernest. We like to rain in the place when it is mostly empty. I however started to feel that we are depriving Liliom from the chance of having a more sophisticated roaming than what we have with Ernest so decided that it is necessary to have a session. The three of us set out leaving Jen home to study and we found a very different library from what I am used to with Ernest. It was round 4pm and packed. There were children and young people everywhere. It was really nice to see that there are members of the following generation who still believe books have value.
Asked Lili to chose a book for me from four available by Sven Nordquist. She took her work incredibly serious and spent a lot of time browsing the books. Eventually she came up to me with two of them letting me know that those two were the best, we are taking them both. Then she went on to find some other stuff while it became increasingly difficult for me to ‘contain’ Ernest. He was tired and in such circumstances he becomes what we refer to as ‘high maintenance’. Adding to this I forgot to change sock and in my warm winter socks in the incredibly heated building I was slowly dying of warm feet. Eventually we had to go.
On leaving Liliom has showed me one more book she wanted to take. It was a children’s book by a guy called Wass Albert. Only recently I realised he was into writing children stories, since we started to go to library here and I find that amongst the newest books available there are many penned by him. He is a bit of a cult nowadays among, hm, patriots of Hungarian origin. In his life he was very pro-Hungarian and perhaps not offending to say extremely nationalist. For his excuse, growing up in 20th century Transylvania as a member of the former ruling elite I can understand why he had rather negative perception of so called others. Apart from romantic nationalism and the extreme stylistically tackiness, cheapness in his writing (vow, I bet I gut some fuses blown with this one) I wouldn’t have problem with Lili exploring his book.
Unfortunately it is his wider political views, having openly been supporter of fascist regimes and - in emigration – organisations and periodicals I simply said to Lili ‘sorry, but the guy who wrote that book was a fascist, I don’t want you reading that book’. I managed to raise some eyebrows and we were off. Lili was cool with it. There will be time she will read what she well please. For the time being I try to help her into reading books by people who think that empathy and solidarity is the birthright of every human being.
(should this have been written into the blog yesterday, it would have meant three ‘moral’ issues in an apolitical blog – I rock)
Once posting and putting away the computer it came to me and sitting in the library today I had to work hard to keep on task rather than chattering away on my blog. It was an especially gruesome task as my essay topic is anything but fun. And don’t get me wrong here. Although I do stress out about essay and always, always think that I haven’t researched enough and my notes are nowhere near organised enough (which usually is true) and I believe that i haven’t enough reference (way off, I scare people with the amount of referencing I can do). It is a productive stress mostly and I enjoy writing academically too so the reason I end up moaning about an essay topic is nothing like the usual student whining where one is constantly in an end of the world mood when ask to produce evidence of cognitive process. It is simply that writing about what may have gone wrong in a process to result in genocide is simply a shit topic.
So I managed and as I was deprived coffee, the library was in preparation for a charity ball so facilities of codeine dispersal were non-functioning, I am sitting in a cafe now before returning home. It’s a bit of a wind down, although my brain was fried and needed some buffer before Ernest.
Here is the chance than, which also functioned as a ‘carrot’. The library experience.
Actually now I am starting to be concerned there may have been way to much raising tension and expectation before... ops.
Usually we go to the library as a morning activity with Ernest. We like to rain in the place when it is mostly empty. I however started to feel that we are depriving Liliom from the chance of having a more sophisticated roaming than what we have with Ernest so decided that it is necessary to have a session. The three of us set out leaving Jen home to study and we found a very different library from what I am used to with Ernest. It was round 4pm and packed. There were children and young people everywhere. It was really nice to see that there are members of the following generation who still believe books have value.
Asked Lili to chose a book for me from four available by Sven Nordquist. She took her work incredibly serious and spent a lot of time browsing the books. Eventually she came up to me with two of them letting me know that those two were the best, we are taking them both. Then she went on to find some other stuff while it became increasingly difficult for me to ‘contain’ Ernest. He was tired and in such circumstances he becomes what we refer to as ‘high maintenance’. Adding to this I forgot to change sock and in my warm winter socks in the incredibly heated building I was slowly dying of warm feet. Eventually we had to go.
On leaving Liliom has showed me one more book she wanted to take. It was a children’s book by a guy called Wass Albert. Only recently I realised he was into writing children stories, since we started to go to library here and I find that amongst the newest books available there are many penned by him. He is a bit of a cult nowadays among, hm, patriots of Hungarian origin. In his life he was very pro-Hungarian and perhaps not offending to say extremely nationalist. For his excuse, growing up in 20th century Transylvania as a member of the former ruling elite I can understand why he had rather negative perception of so called others. Apart from romantic nationalism and the extreme stylistically tackiness, cheapness in his writing (vow, I bet I gut some fuses blown with this one) I wouldn’t have problem with Lili exploring his book.
Unfortunately it is his wider political views, having openly been supporter of fascist regimes and - in emigration – organisations and periodicals I simply said to Lili ‘sorry, but the guy who wrote that book was a fascist, I don’t want you reading that book’. I managed to raise some eyebrows and we were off. Lili was cool with it. There will be time she will read what she well please. For the time being I try to help her into reading books by people who think that empathy and solidarity is the birthright of every human being.
(should this have been written into the blog yesterday, it would have meant three ‘moral’ issues in an apolitical blog – I rock)
Friday, 4 February 2011
February 4th
There may be something wrong about stand up comedies when one stays awake, keeps watching a show in hope that maybe, maybe at the end there will be the punch line that made it all worth it, that made it all ok to persevere. It was the second time now – if one can say in a row – that this has happened. I do not like it and I find only two explanations: either these comedians i watch getting old and start losing touch or I am getting old and losing touch. For this latter I could borrow one of my mum’s recently favourite phrase ‘I’m just not as young anymore as I am used to be...’ Well neither am I and unless one finds the fountain of youth we all have the ready answer to whatever comes our way. Had I been younger it would probably had been a more fun show (although I doubt it, being ‘old’ – well maybe not so old actually – and grumpy). Show me a stand up that I find painfully funny at least in my stomach muscles and I will owe you the price of your choice.
I couldn’t help reading in the news this morning that the USA, its government now want the Egyptian Mubarak gone, and hopes to have him replaced with his former minister for secret services... one shall not comment on that but I fear for the peace in a country where seems to be a genuine hope for a democracy. The army will probably take over, best case scenario that the European Council and the UN will organise elections... then comes - my concern here - that the people will have voted ‘wrong’.
Reading news has happened before going to the market, before taking Liliom to school and after having breakfast and although we were late to school it was a brief session of reading nevertheless. So I derive my analysis from minutes of news reading. I perhaps got it wrong.
After dropping Lili off, Ernest and I turned towards the market which usually a blissfully oblivious browse for me as by the time we get there, he is almost always asleep. Ususally his is covered by his shawl so people just know me there as the guy with the buggy. They rarely see Ernest. But today it was different. He was awake and he wanted a piece of the action so we experimented with him on foot. I wrapped his shawl around him in some manner so it didn’t obstruct his movement and didn’t strangle him either. And off he went. Invincible.
Twice I lost him completely following the signs and waves from friendly vendors as I was chasing after him. It was a laugh. Eventually we came to an agreement to take turns leading the way and waiting up on each other. This system worked well only to break down rather explicitly when the appearance of satsumas –especially ones in crates under the vendor tables. In the beginning our agreement was like that of the great powers on the security council of the UN. We wanted, we dreamed of a future – and at the time a present – without conflicts, of mutual understanding only to have it gone in an instant degrading back in to pity self interest the moment our common dreams became an obstacle of the corporations that controlled ‘our’ governments, the moment those satsumas were in sight all deals were off.
I caught up with the news later so maybe my hypothesis has some more ground than it first seems. Yes, I am very clever.
I couldn’t help reading in the news this morning that the USA, its government now want the Egyptian Mubarak gone, and hopes to have him replaced with his former minister for secret services... one shall not comment on that but I fear for the peace in a country where seems to be a genuine hope for a democracy. The army will probably take over, best case scenario that the European Council and the UN will organise elections... then comes - my concern here - that the people will have voted ‘wrong’.
Reading news has happened before going to the market, before taking Liliom to school and after having breakfast and although we were late to school it was a brief session of reading nevertheless. So I derive my analysis from minutes of news reading. I perhaps got it wrong.
After dropping Lili off, Ernest and I turned towards the market which usually a blissfully oblivious browse for me as by the time we get there, he is almost always asleep. Ususally his is covered by his shawl so people just know me there as the guy with the buggy. They rarely see Ernest. But today it was different. He was awake and he wanted a piece of the action so we experimented with him on foot. I wrapped his shawl around him in some manner so it didn’t obstruct his movement and didn’t strangle him either. And off he went. Invincible.
Twice I lost him completely following the signs and waves from friendly vendors as I was chasing after him. It was a laugh. Eventually we came to an agreement to take turns leading the way and waiting up on each other. This system worked well only to break down rather explicitly when the appearance of satsumas –especially ones in crates under the vendor tables. In the beginning our agreement was like that of the great powers on the security council of the UN. We wanted, we dreamed of a future – and at the time a present – without conflicts, of mutual understanding only to have it gone in an instant degrading back in to pity self interest the moment our common dreams became an obstacle of the corporations that controlled ‘our’ governments, the moment those satsumas were in sight all deals were off.
I caught up with the news later so maybe my hypothesis has some more ground than it first seems. Yes, I am very clever.
Sunday, 12 December 2010
12Dec
Last night we have gone mainstream. We did what everyone else and went for a walk with the children after dinner. It was snowing you see and here in Szeged snow is something still unusual and unlikely to stay around till the morning. Which it didn’t so I congratulate to all of us around town for taking the kids out during the evening. We were smart. It was fun, Both Lili and Ernest were besides themselves with joy. And so was I actually. Ernest was pretty much a first timer though, so it was the excitement of the new for him while Lili, Jen and I probably just missed the stuff. Although it was nothing like building a snowcave but we are a long way from home. It’s ok.
Today was eventless, at least around the home. Jen and Lili went out for a ballet performance in the afternoon. Philosophy of bodies it was called and I hear it was good. Lili practically danced through the thing in her chair. Must have been a site.
With Ernest we (sure we?) decided to watch a documentary about pension funds investment policies and its consequences, the movie speaking mostly in German wit French subtitles. A generally good bashing on contemporary economic globalization. The pictures were amazing though and I still have managed to learn something new about the maintenance of US hegemony.
On Saturday I took the kids to the market which was fun, it always is and then we went for lunch at the vegetarian restaurant. Why is it that such places are always into Indian inspired spiritualism?
Two nights ago I read some recounts from protesters about their experiences on parliament square.
What I have to say about it is following this link.
Lili had a most amazing weekend with the first snow here, Christmas market, going out for lunch loving the food and going to a ballet for the first time of her life.
After all this she will tell the most hideous story from the weekend come Monday morning’s circle time at school.
Today was eventless, at least around the home. Jen and Lili went out for a ballet performance in the afternoon. Philosophy of bodies it was called and I hear it was good. Lili practically danced through the thing in her chair. Must have been a site.
With Ernest we (sure we?) decided to watch a documentary about pension funds investment policies and its consequences, the movie speaking mostly in German wit French subtitles. A generally good bashing on contemporary economic globalization. The pictures were amazing though and I still have managed to learn something new about the maintenance of US hegemony.
On Saturday I took the kids to the market which was fun, it always is and then we went for lunch at the vegetarian restaurant. Why is it that such places are always into Indian inspired spiritualism?
Two nights ago I read some recounts from protesters about their experiences on parliament square.
What I have to say about it is following this link.
Lili had a most amazing weekend with the first snow here, Christmas market, going out for lunch loving the food and going to a ballet for the first time of her life.
After all this she will tell the most hideous story from the weekend come Monday morning’s circle time at school.
Thursday, 9 December 2010
08 December
I have scared myself away from posting any blog entries after something that could be considered as a breakdown... it was no fun. Wanting out.
When Starting to gather one's self, comes the family, parents being offended for putting demands on them such as 'stop putting demands on us!'
Maybe I should go for a different approach. Write days, simple straight forward. Seemingly at least.
The gas repair guy was running late so by the time he fixed the heater in the kids' room Ernest was up for a nap. We didn't get out before noon after that so most of our plans were scrapped. I enjoyed doing nothing, mostly nothing while he slept. Of course I could have dressed him amid a tuntrum and put him in the buggy to sleep there but since the old one got stolen he sleeps less on the go than he used to. Although we took the flattened people with us to the market LINK, we were so brief and quick that I actually forgot to take their pictures. At least there was some shopping done.
Practically ran to get Lili from school only to realise they were having late lunch. We waited. Ernest played with the stools until realising there were trays of sand for writing in. Waiting become miserable then.
We went home where I cooked a vegan carrot and ginger soup and later at dinner we realised it was good. Jen made us some coffee before we took off again on the bikes, bit early for Ballet but we wanted to go back to a shop we were at yesterday or the day before. An item we bought was faulty. The shopkeeper was friendly and helpful on our return. We didnt queue up for sweet bread freshly baked. Had to go.
Liliom was thrilled as we were there first. This has never happened before and about two minutes later when other children and parents started filing in she proudly announced them 'we have been here for ages'. While she nearly passed out of heat exhaustion for doors or windows are not allowed to be open I went on a shoe hunt without much success. the shopping centre was fun, captain Ernest standing at the front of the boat, sorry, trolley shouting...hm whatever he might have been shouting. Directions, insults perhaps?
The day before's leftovers and the ginger and carrot soup for a change Lili liked. After dinner Ernest insisted on a bath while I insisted the others tidy up while I help him to it. There was tears almost, fortunately Jen handled the request well, it was Lili who was a bit taken aback.
We watched glee and after the kids were in bed I spent, we spent some 250€ online. so it didnt feel so good but wasnt bad. It was a challenge to work
the german amazon site especially after i realised i put in the wrong address and had to track order and... it took me a while. In the mean time, and most of the day Jen has been trying, is trying and becoming desperate to find a task or topic for her assignment in bilingualism course. The original's requirement she doesnt suit. At times At some point I offered I will do it for her as I am a bilingual person and therefore can carry out the task but fortunately she declined which is cool because I dont fulfill other criterias such as being a student on the course or having indebt knowledge of the topic
When Starting to gather one's self, comes the family, parents being offended for putting demands on them such as 'stop putting demands on us!'
Maybe I should go for a different approach. Write days, simple straight forward. Seemingly at least.
The gas repair guy was running late so by the time he fixed the heater in the kids' room Ernest was up for a nap. We didn't get out before noon after that so most of our plans were scrapped. I enjoyed doing nothing, mostly nothing while he slept. Of course I could have dressed him amid a tuntrum and put him in the buggy to sleep there but since the old one got stolen he sleeps less on the go than he used to. Although we took the flattened people with us to the market LINK, we were so brief and quick that I actually forgot to take their pictures. At least there was some shopping done.
Practically ran to get Lili from school only to realise they were having late lunch. We waited. Ernest played with the stools until realising there were trays of sand for writing in. Waiting become miserable then.
We went home where I cooked a vegan carrot and ginger soup and later at dinner we realised it was good. Jen made us some coffee before we took off again on the bikes, bit early for Ballet but we wanted to go back to a shop we were at yesterday or the day before. An item we bought was faulty. The shopkeeper was friendly and helpful on our return. We didnt queue up for sweet bread freshly baked. Had to go.
Liliom was thrilled as we were there first. This has never happened before and about two minutes later when other children and parents started filing in she proudly announced them 'we have been here for ages'. While she nearly passed out of heat exhaustion for doors or windows are not allowed to be open I went on a shoe hunt without much success. the shopping centre was fun, captain Ernest standing at the front of the boat, sorry, trolley shouting...hm whatever he might have been shouting. Directions, insults perhaps?
The day before's leftovers and the ginger and carrot soup for a change Lili liked. After dinner Ernest insisted on a bath while I insisted the others tidy up while I help him to it. There was tears almost, fortunately Jen handled the request well, it was Lili who was a bit taken aback.
We watched glee and after the kids were in bed I spent, we spent some 250€ online. so it didnt feel so good but wasnt bad. It was a challenge to work
the german amazon site especially after i realised i put in the wrong address and had to track order and... it took me a while. In the mean time, and most of the day Jen has been trying, is trying and becoming desperate to find a task or topic for her assignment in bilingualism course. The original's requirement she doesnt suit. At times At some point I offered I will do it for her as I am a bilingual person and therefore can carry out the task but fortunately she declined which is cool because I dont fulfill other criterias such as being a student on the course or having indebt knowledge of the topic
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
Intimacy
Travelling on the Budapest subway could be considered one of the least private places one can imagine no place perhaps for retaining even some degree of intimacy in our interactions. Yet it is not entirely impossible.
We only have been in Hungary for maybe a couple of weeks, it was still summer and I have not realised yet how difficult it can be to relearn a different context one shall use the language in.
Travelling on the subway our younger child, Ernest did what he does –just like his sister – so well and that is charming people around him. He is quick and efficient sitting in my lap looking up at people ‘forcing’ them to smile back. I was chatting away to him in Hungarian as I usually do while becoming increasingly entertained by the passing friendship he built with a young fellow standing next to us. I made an effort – eventually – to engage him in conversation and slightly shocked and puzzled stopped mid-sentence than made another effort now through the ‘right’ language though my speech did not feel honest. I was uncomfortable to start a conversation in Hungarian with a stranger.
Being surprised I started thinking about what might just has happened and begun paying far more attention to how I engage in conversations or avoid doing so. I came to realise that I was not at all happy to speak to people in Hungarian, feeling generally rather uneasy and uncomfortable when doing so. This is a condition that has become far better since but often I still feel distant through this language while also have a familiar closeness that feel now too close.
Of course nothing comes without its context for one doesn’t just decide for some reason or other to be in a certain way... For the past eleven years however I spoke less and less and with decreasing frequency except for my children whom with of course I talk and talked more as time passes. Therefore Hungarian has become an increasingly intimate language that is hardly if ever shared with anyone other than close family. Meeting the occasional other Hungarian perhaps helped emphasising its intimate value.
Suddenly everyone and everything around me shares the very language that has become a complex symbol and especially tool in the years spent in non-Hungarian speaking communities. It’s a learnt reflex to switch language when starting to speak to someone other than my kids yet it does not feel like one when one has always done this so. It feels natural and it is hard when one have no choice but to let go of so much associated value. The first tries sounded disastrous.
I still miss the intimacy and often still feel uncomfortable. This is natural, true, people connect through the medium of the language too and I need too , I am learning the tools and tricks again, speaking, communicating and slowly finding ways.
At times now, especially in contextualised or semi formal settings I am starting to enjoy speaking with strangers, meeting people. Other times I still feel too close although I am aware of the benefits they have to my language use as well as living life.
It is amazing how one can ‘forget’ a language that has felt so familiar and in certain ways still feels. Recently I have been writing emails in Hungarian and while I was aware of strangling the words and structures I could not help, I had to keep on writing knowing this is the only solution against this rust. Using language in a variety of ways.
We only have been in Hungary for maybe a couple of weeks, it was still summer and I have not realised yet how difficult it can be to relearn a different context one shall use the language in.
Travelling on the subway our younger child, Ernest did what he does –just like his sister – so well and that is charming people around him. He is quick and efficient sitting in my lap looking up at people ‘forcing’ them to smile back. I was chatting away to him in Hungarian as I usually do while becoming increasingly entertained by the passing friendship he built with a young fellow standing next to us. I made an effort – eventually – to engage him in conversation and slightly shocked and puzzled stopped mid-sentence than made another effort now through the ‘right’ language though my speech did not feel honest. I was uncomfortable to start a conversation in Hungarian with a stranger.
Being surprised I started thinking about what might just has happened and begun paying far more attention to how I engage in conversations or avoid doing so. I came to realise that I was not at all happy to speak to people in Hungarian, feeling generally rather uneasy and uncomfortable when doing so. This is a condition that has become far better since but often I still feel distant through this language while also have a familiar closeness that feel now too close.
Of course nothing comes without its context for one doesn’t just decide for some reason or other to be in a certain way... For the past eleven years however I spoke less and less and with decreasing frequency except for my children whom with of course I talk and talked more as time passes. Therefore Hungarian has become an increasingly intimate language that is hardly if ever shared with anyone other than close family. Meeting the occasional other Hungarian perhaps helped emphasising its intimate value.
Suddenly everyone and everything around me shares the very language that has become a complex symbol and especially tool in the years spent in non-Hungarian speaking communities. It’s a learnt reflex to switch language when starting to speak to someone other than my kids yet it does not feel like one when one has always done this so. It feels natural and it is hard when one have no choice but to let go of so much associated value. The first tries sounded disastrous.
I still miss the intimacy and often still feel uncomfortable. This is natural, true, people connect through the medium of the language too and I need too , I am learning the tools and tricks again, speaking, communicating and slowly finding ways.
At times now, especially in contextualised or semi formal settings I am starting to enjoy speaking with strangers, meeting people. Other times I still feel too close although I am aware of the benefits they have to my language use as well as living life.
It is amazing how one can ‘forget’ a language that has felt so familiar and in certain ways still feels. Recently I have been writing emails in Hungarian and while I was aware of strangling the words and structures I could not help, I had to keep on writing knowing this is the only solution against this rust. Using language in a variety of ways.
Thursday, 21 October 2010
‘So how does it feel to be home?’
We have been in Hungary for over three months now and countless times the question, in some form or other has came to me. Yes, really, how does it feel to be home? Well, I have a social network, friends among whom I feel comfortable to be myself. I am in no need to reorganise my life according to a new and unfamiliar environment. My kitchen feels mine and comfortable. I have established patterns of shopping and a regular and comfortable routine. I feel comfortable and I don’t feel a need or pressure to comply with norms that I long have forgotten or never even been familiar with. In a nutshell: I’m homesick… when I think about it. I say ‘It doesn’t feel like home here, not anymore’ thinking honesty is the best way forward but it offends others, or so I was told on one occasion. It is offending that I ‘don’t feel’ Hungarian anymore. Which I never said to anyone but apparently when Hungary does not feel like home really means that one is not Hungarian.
Polite, friendly, welcoming and inquiring conversations potentially turn disappointing when I am honest and virtual bloodbaths when I say another word. The nationalist attitude, discourse is overwhelmingly present in people’s thinking. I am Hungarian therefore I am at home now. Lili is my daughter therefore she is Hungarian and her lack of experience in using the local language is a defect to be concerned of. I know without much context these statements seem an overreaction but it would be impossible to sum up the last three months in a few words.
An old friend whom I met again during the summer has made a curious statement which at the time passed without much notice but recently it came into a different understanding when I read a brief article about an old man’s struggle with the authorities regarding his passport application. My friend told me our life was like one ‘you can read in the papers’ and there was this similar story in the papers.
Our story that could have been in the papers is the story about Lili’s passport.
Before coming here we though it might be a good idea for the kids to get their Hungarian passports, to make life easier. Now we know the can only immigrate as Hungarian citizens but at the times we were oblivious to this. We started the process in February, through the embassy in Helsinki. We moved late June and things were not looking good yet although Ernest was lucky to get his passport sometimes late July. Lili’s case is far more complicated because she is over 5 years old and her parents were not married for over 2 years when she was born. Why these two points make the process far more difficult I cannot know because the law states if one of a person’s parent is a Hungarian citizen he or she is automatically a citizen. All that is needed is a proof I thought of my citizenship, which a passport should be sufficient enough to do and a proof that Lili is my daughter.
Trying to settle down and register it is impossible for Lili to go through the administrative process for Hungarians because she doesn’t have papers proving she is Hungarian. I cannot issue a statement to help her obtain such papers because the office cannot understand a birth certificate issued in English therefore I have no proof of our family ties. Never mind the fact that the Republic of Hungary issued a birth certificate for Ernest written in three languages, one of them English. So Lili cannot be recognised as a Hungarian citizen.
At the immigration office where next we tried to register her living here as a British citizen we were told that as it is written on her – remember English language – birth certificate that her father is a Hungarian citizen she cannot immigrate here as she is a Hungarian citizen. Consequently they can do nothing for her.
Now we are awaiting a translation of her birth certificate, it seem to have disappeared somewhere in the machinery of bureaucracy. And consider ourselves lucky that she has social security and health care cover from Finland. Bless Kela! (Hah, this is something I never imagined saying.)
The above story illustrates the attitudes that live in people’s concepts of Hungariannes. It’s kind of an idea where there seem to be so many, many Hungarians. They are everywhere, across the borders, brothers and sisters and all this crap. Than comes the actual count. Quickly turns out that a Hungarian from over the borders is barely better than a none Hungarian if, better at all. Perhaps for language’ sake when employing them paying unfairly low wages.
I have intended to begin writing about Szeged long before we have even set foot here. I wasn’t sure about my intention, I played with some ideas of turning it into half-way fiction and I also thought of just keeping it simple, everyday. So far none of this has happened. Overcoming some long and lately developed fear of the keyboard now eventually started ranting. I am still unsure on the next step, maybe it will remain so for some time to come. Perhaps I shouldn’t intend to write what has led to this moment when the blog entry is written and I should just provide a snapshot.
Polite, friendly, welcoming and inquiring conversations potentially turn disappointing when I am honest and virtual bloodbaths when I say another word. The nationalist attitude, discourse is overwhelmingly present in people’s thinking. I am Hungarian therefore I am at home now. Lili is my daughter therefore she is Hungarian and her lack of experience in using the local language is a defect to be concerned of. I know without much context these statements seem an overreaction but it would be impossible to sum up the last three months in a few words.
An old friend whom I met again during the summer has made a curious statement which at the time passed without much notice but recently it came into a different understanding when I read a brief article about an old man’s struggle with the authorities regarding his passport application. My friend told me our life was like one ‘you can read in the papers’ and there was this similar story in the papers.
Our story that could have been in the papers is the story about Lili’s passport.
Before coming here we though it might be a good idea for the kids to get their Hungarian passports, to make life easier. Now we know the can only immigrate as Hungarian citizens but at the times we were oblivious to this. We started the process in February, through the embassy in Helsinki. We moved late June and things were not looking good yet although Ernest was lucky to get his passport sometimes late July. Lili’s case is far more complicated because she is over 5 years old and her parents were not married for over 2 years when she was born. Why these two points make the process far more difficult I cannot know because the law states if one of a person’s parent is a Hungarian citizen he or she is automatically a citizen. All that is needed is a proof I thought of my citizenship, which a passport should be sufficient enough to do and a proof that Lili is my daughter.
Trying to settle down and register it is impossible for Lili to go through the administrative process for Hungarians because she doesn’t have papers proving she is Hungarian. I cannot issue a statement to help her obtain such papers because the office cannot understand a birth certificate issued in English therefore I have no proof of our family ties. Never mind the fact that the Republic of Hungary issued a birth certificate for Ernest written in three languages, one of them English. So Lili cannot be recognised as a Hungarian citizen.
At the immigration office where next we tried to register her living here as a British citizen we were told that as it is written on her – remember English language – birth certificate that her father is a Hungarian citizen she cannot immigrate here as she is a Hungarian citizen. Consequently they can do nothing for her.
Now we are awaiting a translation of her birth certificate, it seem to have disappeared somewhere in the machinery of bureaucracy. And consider ourselves lucky that she has social security and health care cover from Finland. Bless Kela! (Hah, this is something I never imagined saying.)
The above story illustrates the attitudes that live in people’s concepts of Hungariannes. It’s kind of an idea where there seem to be so many, many Hungarians. They are everywhere, across the borders, brothers and sisters and all this crap. Than comes the actual count. Quickly turns out that a Hungarian from over the borders is barely better than a none Hungarian if, better at all. Perhaps for language’ sake when employing them paying unfairly low wages.
I have intended to begin writing about Szeged long before we have even set foot here. I wasn’t sure about my intention, I played with some ideas of turning it into half-way fiction and I also thought of just keeping it simple, everyday. So far none of this has happened. Overcoming some long and lately developed fear of the keyboard now eventually started ranting. I am still unsure on the next step, maybe it will remain so for some time to come. Perhaps I shouldn’t intend to write what has led to this moment when the blog entry is written and I should just provide a snapshot.
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